Roasted Eggplant with Buttermilk Yogurt Sauce

Lordy Lou. Hold the damn boat. Holy Moly. Sweet Lord Baby Jesus. Insert other absurd Chef Kefi, RN exclamation here. Ready for a recipe that comes from one of the world's most revered vegetarian kitchens and requires NO culinary skill whatsoever? Read on, young grasshopper. 

So many amazing pictures of this recipe all over the internet that I just couldn't choose! My rendition is the bottom right photo.

The background: A few weeks ago, JetSet Kef implied that I would never reach full yiayia status until I pick up a copy of of Plenty, the vegetarian cookbook written by Yotam Ottolenghi, and master several recipes.  I was, of course, indignant--sure, this guy has 4 incredibly-successful London restaurants and grew up growing his own garden in Mediterranean soil...but I am Chef Kefi, RN for chrissakes.  Hmph.

And then I saw the cover photo. Halved eggplant roasted and smothered in some delicious creamy sauce (which, you already know, we love in Keftown), then topped with POMEGRANATE seeds? Uncle Frank...Is this a joke?!  Where the eff has this book been all my life?

I became bewitched, body and soul, by this recipe. Within minutes of the cookbook's arrival I was at Whole Foods, where I have been scoffing at the out-of-season $6 pomegranates all winter--ONLY TO FIND THEY WERE OUT OF POMEGRANATES IN MY MOMENT OF NEED. Undeterred, I went to three more grocery stores, after which it became evident that the entire food industry conspiring against me and my dream of making this recipe.  I called an audible on the whole thing and switched the pom seeds for a balsamic-pomagranate reduction, and this was still one of my favorite things to come out of my kitchen.  All's well that ends well, I suppose--but I won't pass up one of those $6 out-of-season gifts from the Gods again.

This is hide-your-kids-hide-your-wife good. If Oprah invited me on her show right now, I would jump all over that damn couch proclaiming my love for this. I keep trying to wrap up this post but can't find the right punctuation for my new beloved--so just go find some pomegranates and get to it!

Roasted Eggplant with Yogurt Buttermilk Sauce

Ingredients

• 2 eggplants, large and long
• 1/3 c olive oil
• 1 bunch of fresh thyme (the minipack is enough for the whole recipe)
• salt and pepper, to taste
• Greek season, za'atar, or other spice sachet you like, to taste

----

• 1 pomegrante

OR

• 1 1/2 c balsamic vinegar
• 8 oz pom juice
• 5 sprigs thyme
• 5 garlic cloves, minced

---

• 9 TBS buttermilk
• 1/2 c Greek Yogurt (FIBBYDY)
• 1 1/2 TBS olive oil
• 1 small garlic clove, minced
• pinch of salt

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 400F. Cut eggplants in half lengthwise, even cutting through the green stem (which you won't eat--it's just there to look nice).  Use a small sharp knife and cut three-four parallel lines across the width of the eggplant, careful not to go through the skin.  Repeat 45 degree angle with 3-4 more cuts, making a diamond-shaped pattern (think of it as 4 tally marks and then parallel diagonal lines like you use to show 5 in when keeping tally). 

2. Put the eggplant skin-side-down (flesh up) on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Distribute the entire 1/3 c olive oil between the 4 pieces by brushing it on until the entire amount has been absorbed (which will not take much time, as eggplant is about the most liquid-greedy vegetable out there). Sprinkle with thyme leaves (I put about 2 tsp of fresh thyme on each) and Greek seasoning or za'tar. Roast for 35-40 minutes, until flesh is soft and a nice-looking brown. A knife should very easily move through the roasted flesh. Remove from oven and let cool.

3. While roasting eggplant, whisk together all the sauce ingredients. Taste and add more season for flavor if you feel so inclined. Keep cold until serving.

4. Prepare your pomegranate seeds or balsamic reduction.  To learn how to separate seeds, watch this video. To make balsamic reduction, combine balsamic vinegar, pom juice, leaves from 5 thyme sprigs, and garlic cloves in a medium pot.  Bring to boil, then simmer for 12-15 minutes, until liquid has reduced by about 1/3. This will make way more than you need--keep the rest in fridge and put it on everything or use as a salad dressing.

5. To serve, put lots and lots and lots of buttermilk over the eggplant. Season with more Greek seasoning or za'tar and generous amounts of seeds or reduction. Spread the love for this recipe far and wide!

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Steamed Broccoli and Creamy Avo-Yogurt Sauce

College is not known for its culinary delights.  Late night pizza, over-greased dining-hall food, and all that beer-flavored water... not exactly the kind of place where a blossoming chef thrives.


Unless, of course, you lived with a Brit, a Brazilian, a Republican, a 16-year-old, a self-described "uh-oh Oreo Cashew" (I'm not even gonna break that down for you), and a rotating cast of semi-feral males from JetSet Kef's apartment collectively known as "the boys."  Between the lot of us, someone was always cooking something (well...most of us), and every now and again something good came out of our tiny, sticky-floored kitchen while "Holla Back Girl" blared from the stereo to drown out the smoke alarm that went off if we so much as opened a jar of hot sauce. 


Back then, I would bring back two things from the grocery store: broccoli and ingredients for dessert.  I ate some kind of steamed broccoli stir fry pretty much every day for four years (every day, that is, when I wasn't busy eating pizza or the aforementioned desserts).  On the other side of the kitchen, my friend Christine (here after- Queijo Kef) would be making one of two things: vodka-infused gummy bears (terrible idea- do not try at home!) or some kind of creamy sauce.  Let me tell you: you'd be hard pressed to find that girl eating something that wasn't topped with or accompanied by some kind of sour cream/yogurt/cream cheese/gratin sauce. Girl loves her some damn CREAM.

Queijo Kef, posing pre-party.

So, on the eve of my 5-year reunion (which I am very much not attending--if you were my friend in college and want to see me, leave a message below), I bring you the beautiful lovechild of Chef Kefi and Queijo Kef's favorite things: steamed broccoli with a creamy, tangy avo-yogurt sauce.

Ingredients 


--2 heads of broccoli, chopped
--1 avocado, sliced and shelled
--half of a Fage Greek yogurt 
--juice of half a lime


Assembly
1. Steam broccoli. I do this by throwing about 1/8 c of water into the skillet with broccoli and cooking covered for about 4-5 minutes. You do you.
2. While the broccoli is steaming, Mix together lime juice and avocado, then yogurt. Stir vigorously and mash up the avo as much as possible.
3. Combine broccoli and sauce. Enjoy!

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Resolutions in Action: Applesauce!

I was making this applesauce while writing yesterday's post about doughless pizza.  If I had finished the applesauce before the post, I would NEVER have wasted my Swagu joke on the pizza because this sauce has me swearing never to storebuy applesauce again--but, alas, you could only use a bad joke once.  

In the spirit of some serious multi-tasking, I was also mid-way through the BEST pep talk from my mom, who always seems to know when I need some tough love and when I just need my mom to tell me that I'm great.  So, it's only fitting that today you get a recipe PLUS a kefi story about MamaKef, making today's post a... kefcipe?

Every year, my mom would strap the KefSiblings, our friends, their siblings, and whoever else happened to be around into our cranberry Toyota Camry and schlepped us past the 8 apple farms within 10 miles of our house to THE BEST apple farm in our neck of the woods: Wright's Apple Orchard. We would wander the orchard for a few hours, compete over who found the "most perfect" apple, and inevitably recreate the rotten apple fight scene from The Wizard of Oz.  At this point, my mother would remind us of the sign we passed upon entering the orchard, which promises (and I quote) that those who steal fruit will be "shot on sight."  Not wanting to die at the hands of an overzealous apple farmer, we'd mosey back to the farm stand, eat some homemade apple-cider donuts that were made for us while we watched, get some homemade pumpkin ice cream to bring home, and then hit the road, the Camry all the heavier for the 10 pounds of apples and the 7 really-full kids we were now towing.


And then the kefi would REALLY get going.  My mom would get right to cooking up some apple crisp, and soon the house would smell like apples and cinnamon.  I don't think apple crisp was really ever anyone's favorite--the real fun was trying to steal a cinnamon-coated apple while MamaKef's back was turned (the butter and sugar topping didn't hurt, either).  To this day, the smell of baking apples ALWAYS makes me think of those afternoon cooking sessions post-orchard (and, frequently, post-being-sent-to-my-room-for-being-bad-at-the-orchard). 

Now that I've gotten all Little House on the Orchard on you, this one goes out to MamaKef, the original Apple Whisperer.  


Apple Sauce So Good You'll Smack Your Mama*

Ingredients:

• 8 apples ( I used 4 Granny Smith and 4 Fuiji- but would have substituted the latter Macintosh if I could have found them this time of year) 
• Juice of 1 lemon
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 tsp nutmeg
• 1 TBS honey (feel free to use more or less. Sweeter your apples, less honey you need)
• 1/4c water 

Assembly

1.  Preheat the oven to 425. Peel and core the apples. This is easier than it sounds-- I used a potato peeler and a knife and it took about 8 minutes. They do not need to be pretty.

2. Mix the lemon juice in with the apples, then mix the spices, then the honey, and then pour the water in. Mix everything around again. 


3. Pour apples into 9 X 13 glass baking pan.  Bake for 40 minutes, stirring apples at halfway point to avoid burnt tops.  Apples will be mushy and more liquid will have formed in pan.


4. Remove from oven, let cool for ten minutes.  Either manually mash apples for a chunkier sauce, or throw everything into the food processor and puree to the consistency you like. (Beware though-- I was LITERALLY licking my food processor because this was so good and those blades are sharp!)


(*unless your mama is like my mama... then maybe you just want to high-five her)

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Gratuitous Gratitude #1: The Calculus of Cooking

One day in college, I decided to throw a dinner party.  I didn't know how to cook, really, but having mastered literacy by the second grade, I felt confident I could at least follow a recipe.  So I picked out several ambitious recipes with about 100 ingredients each, and muddled my way through, to pretty spectacular results (if I do say so myself).  The problem came the next time I offered to make dinner for people: this time, I had deluded myself into thinking I knew how to cook and picked out new, equally-ambitious recipes with even more ingredients. The result was, uh, less-than spectacular.

This persisted for the next four years and led to many nights of apologizing ("I can't imagine what went wrong with the duck confit, but my isn't this mango gallete delicious?"), until one day it occurred to me that I had started with calculus before I knew how to multiply.  So I went back to some more basic things and experimented with types of food I wanted to learn how to cook.

So now I present to you: three recipes I am grateful for.   These are three of the easiest, most basic, most instructive recipes I know.  The Bluberry Focacia is a GREAT first-bread to make and you'll learn a lot about how a dough is supposed to look/rise because you can't mess it up; the smokey marinara sauce can be paired with ANYTHING and make it better, and the nutella bread pudding (yes... you read that right) is just the best thing you will ever put in your mouth, period.  Plus, they're so good everyone will be very impressed and think you are a domestic-mother-effing goddess, as some of us are known around these parts. And that's something to be grateful for.

Also- I don't know how to make a "jump"--but one day I will, so sorry if these multi-recipe posts give your fingers carpal tunnel from scrolling down.

The easiest bread I've ever made: Blueberry Focacia
I got this from Oprah Magazine and it has been a big hit everywhere. DO NOT BE INTIMIDATED.

• 1 package (1/4 oz) acive dry yeast (you can get this in the baking section of most grocery stores)
• 2 1/4 c warm water
• 6 c all-purpose flour
• 1 c brown sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1 lg egg
• 6 tbsp unsalted butter at room temp (seriously room temp-- makes everything easier)
• 5-6 c blueberries (at this time of year, you might be able to get away with 1/2 fresh, 1/2 frozen--but try it once with fresh so you can see what it should be like!)
• Oven preheated to 400F
   

1. In small bowl, mix yeast and water together and set aside for about
5 minutes (will get a little foamy).  In a large bowl (on standing
mixer if you have one-- if not, no biggie), combine flour, HALF cup of
brown sugar (save the rest for later), salt, and cinnamon. Stir the
egg into yeast, then pour wet mixture into dry mixture and mix on low
speed (or combine very quickly if you don't have standing mixture).
Add butter, mix until combine. Knead dough until smooth and pliable
but still relatively wet-- about 5 minutes.
2. Grease large bowl with oil or Pam. Put dough in bowl and cover w
plastic wrap (again-- has to be plastic, not tin foil, or it won't
rise).  Let rise for about an hour in a warm place- dough will double.
3. Grease two baking sheets. Break the dough into two halves and place
one half on each baking sheet. Stretch out slightly until dough is
1-inch thick and oval-shaped. Cover with greased plastic wrap for
another 45-60 min.
4. With greased fingers, "dimple" surface of each loaf. Sprinkle each
loaf with half your berries and 1/4 c brown sugar.  Bake until golden
brown- about 30-35 min.

The most versatile sauce I've ever made: Smokey Marinara
Many thanks to the people at myrecipes.com for bringing me this incredible sauce (and, incidentally, the inspiration for butternut squash lasagne)!

• 1 tablespoon olive oil 
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh basil 
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
• 2 tablespoons chopped fresh or 2 teaspoons dried oregano
• 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar (this is what makes it so delicious
• 1/8 teaspoon salt 
• 1/8 teaspoon pepper 
• 1 (28-ounce) can crushed fire-roasted tomatoes, undrained (I cannot say enough how much it matters that they are fire-roasted--the flavor differential is incredible)
• 1 (28-ounce) can crushed tomatoes, undrained (in late summer, I substitute with fresh heirloom tomatoes and it makes it even better)

Preparation

1. Heat oil in a large saucepan over medium heat.
2. Add garlic, basil, parsley, and oregano; sauté 1 minute, stirring frequently.
3. Stir in balsamic vinegar and remaining ingredients. Reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes.
 

The best dessert I've ever made: Nutella Bread Pudding

Do I even need to preface this? I found this recipe while in South Africa, and since then it has tantalized palates from five countries on four continents. Be careful- it is truly dangerous!

Ingredients
•    6 croissants for a small batch, 12 for a large
•    as much Nutella as you dare (I use about 5/6 a jar for a large batch)
•    2 eggs
•    1 cup cream
•    1 teaspoon vanilla extract
•    1/2 cup sugar




1.    Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2.    Slice each croissant in half lengthwise, then slather one side with Nutella. Place the croissants nutella-side-up in an ungreased glass baking pan until you get to the top layer, where I like to do nutella-side-down.  Try and arrange them as equally as possible with as few gaps as possible. This does not have to be pretty!
4.    Whisk/beat Teggs, cream, vanilla extract, and sugar to a medium bowl and until combined.  On good days, I get this to a custard-consistency, but it works even if it doesn't quite make it there.
5.    Pour the custard over the croissant-nutella-goodness until it is covered. You may need to manipulate this by pushing down on some of the croissant pieces--that is fine.
6.   Let sit at room temp for at least 30 minutes--if you have longer, let it sit for about 90 minutes.
7.  Bake for 30-45 minutes. That is a huge range, I know-- but this is an oven-sensitive recipe, so check it a few times.  You want a golden brown top and a "set" pudding-- so basically it should look like there's no more liquid in the mixture.

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