Paczki-lala

So, let's talk about my grandma. To borrow a phrase from the Queen Bee herself, she is just "the nuts." An avid animal lover and gardener by day, she takes the Northeastern Pennsylvania pony races by storm at night.  She has, on occasion, been known to refer to something lovely, impressive, or silly as "tchotchy-la-la." To this day, the Kef Family compliments one another as such ("Well, aren't you just a tchotchy-la-la?"). No one said we were normal.

In addition to the unending affection of her grandchildren, daughers, and beloved Golden Doodle, she has captured the heart of one of the most amazing humans alive, BFKef.  These two love each other in a way that makes one thing abundantly clear: I've become superfluous.

A few Mardi Gras seasons ago, at the first meeting of this dangerous duo, GrandmaKef introduced BFKef and I to an amazing thing called the paczki (pronounced ponchki).  Apparently, these are a grand tradition for Mardi Gras among the Polish diaspora, so much so that Fat Tuesday is known as "Paczki Day" in large parts of the Midwest.  When GrandmaKef introduced BFKef to these donut-like delicacies, you can bet BFKef would have thrown his beads all over Northeastern Pennsylvania for another dozen... or two.
 

Every so often, I make something and think to myself, "Holy Moly, Chef Kef, I can't believe you made this." This is absolutely one of those times. Like most bread-based recipes, this one is time-intensive but absolutely not skill-intensive (As proof: I blew through Season 2 of Downton Abbey while I cooked these, which I will ABSOLUTELY be writing about at another time). Turns out fast food has been on to something this whole time and deep-frying is actually quite an easy process. I used a recipe from Serious Eats and followed it to a 'T' without problem.

My first thought when I saw the finished result? Tchotchy-la-la. 

Paczki Fit For a Polish Prince*

Ingredients 

• 2 c whole milk
• 4 1/2 tsp instant yeast (2 Fleishmann's envelopes)
• 1/2 c PLUS 1 TBS sugar
• 5 c all-purpose flour
• 4 egg yolks PLUS one whole egg
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 c unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• A whole lot of canola oil, for frying (you will need at least enough to fill a wide, deep pot up to 2 inches)
• 1 1/2 c berry jelly--try and find one that is smooth and without too many chunks to make filling easier
• 1 c powdered sugar, for dusting

Assembly 
1. In a small saucepan heat milk to between 110 an 115°F. Pour warmed milk into a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer. Dissolve yeast in milk. Add one Tablespoon sugar and two cups of flour. Mix until consistency of pancake batter then cover with plastic wrap and place in a warm spot to allow yeast to activate. Let rest for 30 minutes or until starter is very bubbly. 

2. In a medium bowl combine egg and yolks. Whisk until light and frothy, about 4 minutes. Whisk in 1/2 cup sugar, salt and vanilla.

3. Slowly stir cooled melted butter into yeast starter until combined. Then slowly incorporate egg mixture until just combined. Fit mixer with dough hook. Stir in flour, working 1/2 a cup in at a time until a soft dough comes together. Note: this dough is very sticky.

4. Spray a large bowl with cooking spray and transfer dough to bowl. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and set in a warm place to rise until double in size. About an hour.

5. Turn out dough on a very generously floured surface. Dust surface of dough with flour then punch down dough to about half an inch high. Using anything hard and round (I used an empty tomato sauce jar, a wine glass would also work), cut out doughnuts. Carefully transfer doughnut rounds to parchment lined baking sheets. Cover sheets with a clean dish towel and set in a warm place to rise until doubled in size, about 30 minutes.

6. Pour canola oil into a large dutch oven to a depth of 2 inches. Heat oil to 360°F. Once oil reaches the proper temperature use a heat resistant spatula or shallow strainer to carefully drop doughnuts in, one at a time, cooking a maximum of 3 at once. Cook doughnuts until a warm, deep brown on one side, then using heat resistance tongs turn the doughnut and cook the other side until it reaches the same degree of doneness. Remove from oil letting any excess oil drain off then transfer to a wire rack for cooling. Test your first doughnut to make sure that the insides are completely cooked, if not adjust your cooking time accordingly. Let doughnut cool.

7. Prepare a wide and shallow bowl with powdered sugar. Fill your pastry bag with your favorite preserves and fit the bag with a filling tip. Pipe filling into pączki then dip each side in powdered sugar until covered. (Chef Kefi, RN Editor's Note: the filling was the messiest part for me--I ended up filling from the top to make this a big easier, but separate one or two paczkis for practice specimen!)

*A story for another time.

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Paulatimi's Fabulous Fudge

My mother has been known to bake dozens of Christmas cookies each year.  No--not a few dozen chocolate chip cookies... dozens of KINDS of cookies. Monster cookies, peanut butter surprise cookies, oatmeal raisin, white-chocolate cranberry, Linzer, sugar, gingerbread... the list goes on.

Paula's famous party platter--no one goes home with one!
Fudge is those tan squares with red/green M&Ms.

But none are as good as her famous no-bake M&M fudge. This is definitively NOT sugar free-- in fact, it falls into the same sickly sweet category as my other favorite seasonal treats (candy corn and Peeps--don't judge me), but I fall for it everytime. My advice? Cut small and make sure you have reinforcements to help you eat!

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups of sugar
• 3/4 cup butter 2/3 cup (5 1/3 oz) evaporated milk
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter
• 1 jar (7oz) marshallow fluff
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 1/2 cups m&m's plain (use colors for an easy themed dessert--MamaKef uses red and green at Christmas, I use team colors for the Super Bowl, etc)

Assembly

1. Combine sugar, butter, milk, and salt in heavy 3 qt sausepan; bring to full rolling boil over high heat, STIRRING CONSTANTLY with a wooden spoon.  Continue boiling over med heat 5 min stirring constantly. 2. Remove from heat; stir in peanut butter until melted.
3. Add marshmallow fluff; mix until blended. Fold in M&Ms; immediately spread into greased 13 x9 inch baking pan.
4. Cool at room temperature; cut into squares.
Makes one 13x9 inch pan of fudge (about 3 lbs).

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A Very Kefi Christmas

"It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season—like all the other seasons—is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them." —Lemony Snicket








There are many things that have afforded me great success in this world-- I'm a white person from the US who went to college and is employed.  To 99.99% of the rest of the world, I wasn't just born on third--I came onto Earth an inch from home plate.

Few things have made me feel as privileged as this past weekend, when my family got together to celebrate a pre-Christmas Extravaganza with me before I headed back to DC to work both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  It was an amazing 36-hour love fest that featured all of the people I hold dearest, from the family with which I was born to the mish-mash of folks I have chosen over the years to count among my people.  

The Kefis have always believed in a big, fat, decorative Christmas, but our winter holidays have not always been as movie-esque as this one was-- those years that began when the oldest of my siblings became a teenager and ended when the youngest of us left adolescence behind brought as much angst and posturing around the holidays for us as they did any other family.  We worked hard for our practically-perfect pre-Christmas, and it made me think about how wonderfully lucky we are if, as adults, we can move past the family squabbles about presents and table turf that our complicated world increasingly encourages, and remember how truly magic Christmas can be, if only we bring to the table with us best wishes for each other and a healthy sense of humor about ourselves (making Christmas a champagne-only event doesn't hurt, either).

It is, of course, more than happy circumstance that my family gets to enjoy holidays like these at a time when so many families are splintered by the demands of our world.  In some other post at some other time, I will wax and wane on how closely linked happiness is to privilege.  But, for now, let me say without hope or agenda--just because it's Christmas, and at Christmas you tell the truth--to me, we are perfect.  

 

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In case you still don't know what kefi means...

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Pumpkin Bread Two Ways

MamaKef makes just about the most delicious pumpkin bread on earth (and it's my Aunt Carole's recipe, so we're really talking about a family affair here). Strangely, I have no picture of it, despite knowing that I have photographed it at every Thanksgiving and Christmas since 1999.

What I do have a picture of, however, is the imitation version I made for my first shift EVER as an RN (yowza!).  You already KNOW this gluten-free sugar-free pumpkin bar is delicious, because no sane person would ever bring a sub-par treat into the nurse's station of a very busy unit without being 100% positive that it would be gobbled up and that she would have 15 new friends and colleagues who want to make her transition to nursing easier... right?

Right. So, please enjoy both the gf/sf version AND the full o' flour version--they're both delicious and easy-peasey recipes that are proven crowd pleasers (just ask Nurse Ratchet!).

 Gluten-Free, Sugar-Free Yumcito Pumpkin Bars
Ingredients
--3/4 c pumpkin puree
--3/4 c almond butter (you could prob use any nut butter--just make sure it does not have sugar in it if what you want is a sugar free dessert!)
--1/2 c honey 
--3 eggs
--2 tsp cinnamon
--1 tsp ground ginger
--1/2 tsp nutmeg
--1/2 tsp ground cloves
--2 tsp vanilla extract
--1 tsp baking soda
--1/2 tsp salt 

Assembly 
1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease your pan--I used a 9-inch shallow disposable tin for easy transport--but a cake round, cupcake tin, or casserole dish would work, too, as long as you keep them thin. I would say NOT to use a loaf pan because I do not think the baking soda will do enough to make the batter rise.
2. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix well.
3. Pour into pan. Bake for about 22 minutes, or until edges are brown and center is set. (In my little oven the edges looked burnt before the center set, but those turned out to be the best pieces!)

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KefFamily's Favorite Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread

Ta Da!

Ingredients

• 1 cup salad oil
• 2/3 cup water
• 1 16-oz can Libby's pumpkin
• 2 eggs
  --
• 3 cups sugar
  
• 3 1/2 cups flour
•  1 1/2 tsp  cinnamon
• 1 1/2 tsp nutmeg
  1 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 12 oz bag choc chips

Assembly 
1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease two loaf pans well (these can also be made as muffins if that suits your fancy).

2. Mix the wet ingredients together.

3. Add in the dry ingredients - except the choc chips.

4. After everything is well blended, stir in the chocolate chips.

5. Pour into 2 well greased loaf pans and bake for approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes (I always start checking at about 45 minutes but it really does take this long).

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One Cake, Two Ways

This Monday is too beautiful for me to be inside blogging--so Ima get right to it: today, we're working with two versions of a hearty strawberry cake with buttercream icing.  One is full of sugar, flour, and deliciousness; the other is for those interested in a sugar-free, gluten-free, almost-paleo treat.  I will leave you to guess which is which:

So--why two cakes? Earlier this summer, I was honored to bake the cake for my Aunt Tina's wedding, and though I'm sure everyone would have loved knowing their dessert qualified as "clean eating," we decided to go the traditional flour-sugar-butter route.  My aunt and her now-husband, Larry, requested a strawberry cake with vanilla buttercream icing, and we went through several renditions before landing on this one, which turned out to be quite a keeper.  A HUGE THANK YOU to my dear friend KefiKathleen, who offered up her childhood home and adult know-how to ensure that this mama-jamma made it from inspiration to fruition.

A few weeks later (still hung over from all the gluten-filled taste tests), I decided to see if I could make a healthier version of the nuptial confection. So I spent my morning puttering about in the kitchen, and came up with the below, which is not as "pow! that's strawberry!" as the wedding cake was, but it is a good just-sweet-enough cake that would be great for a brunch. 

Full-o-flour Strawberry Cake
Ingredients (makes two 8-inch cake layers)

• 3 c flour
• 2 c sugar
• 3 tsp baking powder
• 3/4 c vegetable oil
• 1 1/2 c pureed strawberries
• 1 tsp pure vanilla extract
• 1 tsp lemon zest
• 4 large eggs
• whatever buttercream icing you like best, homemade or store-bought

Assembly 
1. Preheat oven to 325. In a standing mixer, combine in this order the oil, sugar, eggs (one at a time), extract, and zest. Mix on low until completely mixed.
2. Combine flour and baking powder in a separate bowl. Prepare strawberry puree and have ready.
3. With the mixer on low, alternate adding the flour mixture and then the strawberry puree to the wet ingredients.  Begin by gradually adding about 1/2 the flour, then 1/3 of the strawberries and repeat until you have combined everything, finishing with the puree (basically: flour twice, strawberry puree three times).
4. Pour into two greased eight-inch cake rounds.  Start checking at 25 minutes--this is a dense batter, so it will almost definitely take 35-40 minutes to be completely done. They're done when you can stick a toothpick into the center and it comes out clean.
5. After cakes are removed from oven and cooled, ice 'em and eat 'em!
 
Gluten-free, Sugar-Free, Strawberry Breakfast Cake
Ingredients

• 1 1/2 c almond flour
• 1/4 c corn starch
• 2.5 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 TBS vanilla extract
• 1/2 stick butter, melted
• 3 TBS honey
• 1/4 cup coconut flour (or 1/2 c shredded coconut)
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 cup of berries, cut small
• 1/2- 1 c milk
  ---
• 1/2 c coconut oil (NOT melted)
• 1/4-1/3 c honey
• 3 TBS lemon juice

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 325. Combine dry ingredients in a medium bowl.
2. Add wet ingredients--EXCEPT BERRIES AND MILK-- in whatever order you'd like. Mix until well combined.
3. Add the berries and mix in gently but completely.
4. Add milk, starting with 1/2 c and adding more if you need it, until you get to "cake batter" consistency. It should be moist and liquidy but not runny.
5. Pour into one greased 9-inch cake round. Bake for 30 minutes, or until inserted toothpick comes out clean.
6. While the cakes are cooling, beat coconut oil, honey, and lemon juice together with an electric mixer.  Apply the icing IMMEDIATELY before serving-- this stuff will melt faster than you can say "holy sugar-free glaze."

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...And They're Off!

It is truly the most wonderful time of the year!

Every year my brother JetSet Kef and I take off on vacation together, usually in the Augustish part of the summer. Inspired by our Mediterranean brethren, the Italians, we have come to refer to this tradition as Ferragosto.

Below, please find some highlights of Ferragosto through the years:

 2009 was Kanafe and Catastrophe. JSK was living in Ramallah, so I scidaddled over there for some fun in the sun.

We also bid a fond farewell to a dear friend, the Burka of the Beach. May her memory be eternal.

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2010 was the year of the Berry Loop. We met in the Pacific Northwest to explore the finer points of slower, organic American living. Although the food was enough to keep us in that part of the country forever, we grew tired of people asking us to slow down our talking and driving. East Cost for life!

----

In 2011 we actually had TWO vacations. First, a trip to the motherland, Greece!

At dinner in this restaurant, Cooking up Kefi was born. Thank you, Lindos!

Later that week, JSK and I got up to our usual shenanigans + wine and traditional Greek dancing. The next morning was less awesome.

After Greece, we jetted off to Mozambique (where else?) for some scuba diving and life-changing scenery.

Just rotate your laptop. It's really a cute pic.

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This year, it's a return to Greece. See you in two weeks, folks!

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Steamed Broccoli and Creamy Avo-Yogurt Sauce

College is not known for its culinary delights.  Late night pizza, over-greased dining-hall food, and all that beer-flavored water... not exactly the kind of place where a blossoming chef thrives.


Unless, of course, you lived with a Brit, a Brazilian, a Republican, a 16-year-old, a self-described "uh-oh Oreo Cashew" (I'm not even gonna break that down for you), and a rotating cast of semi-feral males from JetSet Kef's apartment collectively known as "the boys."  Between the lot of us, someone was always cooking something (well...most of us), and every now and again something good came out of our tiny, sticky-floored kitchen while "Holla Back Girl" blared from the stereo to drown out the smoke alarm that went off if we so much as opened a jar of hot sauce. 


Back then, I would bring back two things from the grocery store: broccoli and ingredients for dessert.  I ate some kind of steamed broccoli stir fry pretty much every day for four years (every day, that is, when I wasn't busy eating pizza or the aforementioned desserts).  On the other side of the kitchen, my friend Christine (here after- Queijo Kef) would be making one of two things: vodka-infused gummy bears (terrible idea- do not try at home!) or some kind of creamy sauce.  Let me tell you: you'd be hard pressed to find that girl eating something that wasn't topped with or accompanied by some kind of sour cream/yogurt/cream cheese/gratin sauce. Girl loves her some damn CREAM.

Queijo Kef, posing pre-party.

So, on the eve of my 5-year reunion (which I am very much not attending--if you were my friend in college and want to see me, leave a message below), I bring you the beautiful lovechild of Chef Kefi and Queijo Kef's favorite things: steamed broccoli with a creamy, tangy avo-yogurt sauce.

Ingredients 


--2 heads of broccoli, chopped
--1 avocado, sliced and shelled
--half of a Fage Greek yogurt 
--juice of half a lime


Assembly
1. Steam broccoli. I do this by throwing about 1/8 c of water into the skillet with broccoli and cooking covered for about 4-5 minutes. You do you.
2. While the broccoli is steaming, Mix together lime juice and avocado, then yogurt. Stir vigorously and mash up the avo as much as possible.
3. Combine broccoli and sauce. Enjoy!

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The REAL Chef Kef

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Greek Easter 2012 Preview

The table, still missing a few dishes

Peep-shaped butter dish, courtesy of Mama Kef.

Sadly, I did not make the cheese. I did make the jam.

I also made a gluten-free version of this- yum and a half.

Spanakopita

The 10 lb pastitsio.

Many, many thanks to everyone who came out and made it a Greek Easter to remember. And the biggest thanks to our host, KefiKathleen, who saved us all from my cramped apartment and provided us with a beautiful outdoor space to enjoy a beautiful spring night.

I'll post specific stories and recipes in the weeks coming, including reports from Beirut, where JetSet Kef held his own Greek Easter feast.

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The Marathon Begins

The first spanakopita of Greek Easter 2012 has just gone into the oven, which gives me a second to pause and think about why I spend an entire weekend every year covered in olive oil and spinach.

There are two main reasons that keep me looking forward to this time each year.  The first is that Orthodox Easter is usually 1-2 weeks behind Roman Easter, which reminds us that Jesus was, in fact, a socialist and that he ascribed to the more relaxed lifestyle of the Southern Mediterranean and took his sweet time rising from the dead (I mean, wouldn't you?). The second (and more legit) reason I so look forward to Greek Easter is that it brings back all the Keftastic memories of the times my family was less scattered across this green earth.

As a kid, we would squeeze into the Camry (JetSet Kef on the driver's side with his GameBoy, BabyKef in the middle annoying the living bejesus out of her siblings, and yours truly trying desperately not to get car sick on the passenger's side) and drive to New Jersey.  There, we would find a diner that had been transformed from a bustling business to an inviting living room--the tables were rearranged to accommodate what seemed like every Greek in New Jersey, and for that one day, traditional Greek music played louder than the Whitney Houston coming from the juke boxes.  It was always nice to see my grandfather's friends and eat something other than the diner's famous "Chicken in a Basket"--but what I REALLY looked forward to was what we called "the red egg game."

You can read more about the game here-- I gotta go get the spanakopita out of the oven.  I leave you with a picture of my grandfather on one of his happiest days, when my brother convened the first KefiFamily Greek Easter in years.  We'll miss my grandfather this year, but I know he is watching with approval and ranting about Barack Obama the Communist from Heaven. Σας αγαπάμε, παππού!

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Introducing... JetSet Kef!

There's a pecking order in the Kefi family.  It developed a few years ago in a drafty New Jersey kitchen with diced onion on the floor and eggplant puree splattered on the walls--my brother had convened the Greek branch of the family, and he and I were about 5 hours into a 48-hour cooking spree running up to the Big Fat Greek Easter.  The hierarchy was clear: I was the Chef, and he was the Sous Chef.  If he valued his place in my kitchen, he would not so much as spread olive oil over a sheet of phyllo without my giving the go ahead.

Since then, we've improved our cooking and he's improved his location and station in life. He now lives in Dubai and has been promoted from Sous Chef Kef to (drum roll please...) JetSet Kef!

He's a man's man, woman's man, man about town-- never in one city (let alone continent) for too long, he'll be reporting on the Greek American life outside America.  

And now...without further ado: JetSet Kef!

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Known in a previously life as ‘Brother Balz’ (subject of a later post), I am the member of the Kefi family who spends the most time globetrotting.  Ostensibly, it’s for work--but really, the travel is all about searching for the best dish combining yogurt, eggplant, leafy greens, cucumber and some sort of tomato situation.  In short: in search of Kefi.

You can find my photo in the embarrassing Kef family photo here  or in the scary  picture above.  If you think the serious face is uncharacteristic for a member of Cult Kefi, you're right:  the beast known as the Greek government (or at least a photography shop with a license from the Interior Ministry) told me I needed to “look serious” for my Greek ID photo.

Given my JetSetKeffing, I have gotten to know the Greeks all over.  First place I met some was Paris (more on that in next post).  Then when I was JetSetKeffing in Egypt, taxi drivers always wanted to be my friend because my mom was Greek.  (Typical conversation: --“Are you Arab?” --“Nope, Greek.” --“Aaaah, you speak Arabic because you’re Greek!” … no response from me to illogical taxi driver.  Repeat same exact scenario 2-4 times per day.)

Dubai being what it is, your personal and professional life ends up looking like a bit like a mafia; everyone groups with his own and then sticks together.  When I joined my office in Dubai, there was one other Greek.  But the state of affairs being what it is, Greeks in Dubai and in my office have steadily increased over the past year (crise economique oblige), and so my own personal Greek mafia in Dubai is now in full effect.

I look forward to exploring the hidden Greekness of every city, from the best baklava in Barcelona to the small souvlaki spot in Seoul. 

PS: please accept my formal and sworn testimony that I rigged the elections for Board Supreme president from 1992-1998.  I hereby forfeit any right I have to run for re-election and assert that my sister, Chef Kef, is the reigning Board Supreme president and all authority associated with the office are hers.

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