Caprese Empanadas

Empanadas have got to be one of the greatest foods on the planet.  I mean really- what's better than a no-fork-required doughy treat with a surprise filling? I rest my case.

I expected this to be one of the recipes I had to sell to the Kef crowd--but I was surprised by how quick and easy this recipe turned out to be. I made the sad mistake of burning mine, so be careful in the final baking stage not to overcook. The dough is paleo-approved (the cheesy filling decidedly not so), and the great news is you can fill these guys with just about anything you like for a great result.

Have a great weekend!

Caprese Empanadas
Ingredients

For the Dough

• 1.5 c unsweetened shredded coconut flakes
• 1 c almond meal
• 1/2 c arrowroot powder (I know...I know. I didn't have it in my kitchen, either)
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 TBS apple cider vinegar (lemon juice would be a good sub here)
• 1 TBS watered
• oil of your choice for brushing empanadas

--
For the Filling

• 10 cherry tomatoes
• 5 oz mozzarella cheese
• 1/2 cup basil
• tomato sauce for dipping (optional)

Assembly
1. Preheat the oven to 350F. Grind the almond meal and coconut into a fine powder using a food processor.  Scrape the bottom and sides of processor bowl and grind again for about 2 more minutes.

2. Add arrowroot and salt to processor and mix again until combined. Add eggs and vinegar and mix in processor again until a cohesive dough forms--mine actually formed itself into a lovely dough ball. If necessary, add water 1 TBS at a time (I needed 1 TBS to get all the dough together). 

3. Gather the dough into a firm ball. Generously dust a sheet of wax paper with arrowroot powder and roll the ball in it to dust all sides. Place another sheet of wax paper on top and roll out to 1/8-inch thick (I was at BFKef's and used a wine bottle...make do with whatcha got). Use anything hard, round, and about 6 inches in diameter (I used a small Tupperware) to cut out 5-6 empanadas. You will probably have to cut a few, reform the ball and roll out two or three times in total to use all the dough.  Place your circles on an ungreased baking sheet.

4. To make the filling, finely dice and mix the basil, cheese, and tomatoes. Place on each circle 1-1.5 TBS  of filling --RESIST THE URGE TO OVERFILL. Fold in half and "crimp" the ends together to seal the empanada. Crimping an empanada requires about the same skill level as crimping your hair -- just get to scrunching. Once sealed, brush generously with oil.

5. Bake for 15-20 minutes, depending on the size of your empanadas. To brown them, turn the oven to "broil" for the last two minutes--BUT BE SURE TO WATCH LIKE A HAWK. I left mine for about 30 seconds too long and nearly ruined the whole shebang. Let cool and enjoy! If you'd like, use a tomato sauce for dipping.

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Roasted Eggplant with Buttermilk Yogurt Sauce

Lordy Lou. Hold the damn boat. Holy Moly. Sweet Lord Baby Jesus. Insert other absurd Chef Kefi, RN exclamation here. Ready for a recipe that comes from one of the world's most revered vegetarian kitchens and requires NO culinary skill whatsoever? Read on, young grasshopper. 

So many amazing pictures of this recipe all over the internet that I just couldn't choose! My rendition is the bottom right photo.

The background: A few weeks ago, JetSet Kef implied that I would never reach full yiayia status until I pick up a copy of of Plenty, the vegetarian cookbook written by Yotam Ottolenghi, and master several recipes.  I was, of course, indignant--sure, this guy has 4 incredibly-successful London restaurants and grew up growing his own garden in Mediterranean soil...but I am Chef Kefi, RN for chrissakes.  Hmph.

And then I saw the cover photo. Halved eggplant roasted and smothered in some delicious creamy sauce (which, you already know, we love in Keftown), then topped with POMEGRANATE seeds? Uncle Frank...Is this a joke?!  Where the eff has this book been all my life?

I became bewitched, body and soul, by this recipe. Within minutes of the cookbook's arrival I was at Whole Foods, where I have been scoffing at the out-of-season $6 pomegranates all winter--ONLY TO FIND THEY WERE OUT OF POMEGRANATES IN MY MOMENT OF NEED. Undeterred, I went to three more grocery stores, after which it became evident that the entire food industry conspiring against me and my dream of making this recipe.  I called an audible on the whole thing and switched the pom seeds for a balsamic-pomagranate reduction, and this was still one of my favorite things to come out of my kitchen.  All's well that ends well, I suppose--but I won't pass up one of those $6 out-of-season gifts from the Gods again.

This is hide-your-kids-hide-your-wife good. If Oprah invited me on her show right now, I would jump all over that damn couch proclaiming my love for this. I keep trying to wrap up this post but can't find the right punctuation for my new beloved--so just go find some pomegranates and get to it!

Roasted Eggplant with Yogurt Buttermilk Sauce

Ingredients

• 2 eggplants, large and long
• 1/3 c olive oil
• 1 bunch of fresh thyme (the minipack is enough for the whole recipe)
• salt and pepper, to taste
• Greek season, za'atar, or other spice sachet you like, to taste

----

• 1 pomegrante

OR

• 1 1/2 c balsamic vinegar
• 8 oz pom juice
• 5 sprigs thyme
• 5 garlic cloves, minced

---

• 9 TBS buttermilk
• 1/2 c Greek Yogurt (FIBBYDY)
• 1 1/2 TBS olive oil
• 1 small garlic clove, minced
• pinch of salt

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 400F. Cut eggplants in half lengthwise, even cutting through the green stem (which you won't eat--it's just there to look nice).  Use a small sharp knife and cut three-four parallel lines across the width of the eggplant, careful not to go through the skin.  Repeat 45 degree angle with 3-4 more cuts, making a diamond-shaped pattern (think of it as 4 tally marks and then parallel diagonal lines like you use to show 5 in when keeping tally). 

2. Put the eggplant skin-side-down (flesh up) on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Distribute the entire 1/3 c olive oil between the 4 pieces by brushing it on until the entire amount has been absorbed (which will not take much time, as eggplant is about the most liquid-greedy vegetable out there). Sprinkle with thyme leaves (I put about 2 tsp of fresh thyme on each) and Greek seasoning or za'tar. Roast for 35-40 minutes, until flesh is soft and a nice-looking brown. A knife should very easily move through the roasted flesh. Remove from oven and let cool.

3. While roasting eggplant, whisk together all the sauce ingredients. Taste and add more season for flavor if you feel so inclined. Keep cold until serving.

4. Prepare your pomegranate seeds or balsamic reduction.  To learn how to separate seeds, watch this video. To make balsamic reduction, combine balsamic vinegar, pom juice, leaves from 5 thyme sprigs, and garlic cloves in a medium pot.  Bring to boil, then simmer for 12-15 minutes, until liquid has reduced by about 1/3. This will make way more than you need--keep the rest in fridge and put it on everything or use as a salad dressing.

5. To serve, put lots and lots and lots of buttermilk over the eggplant. Season with more Greek seasoning or za'tar and generous amounts of seeds or reduction. Spread the love for this recipe far and wide!

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Eggplant Rolldakia

There is nothing in this world as relaxing to me as an afternoon in the kitchen. Luckily, I found some time during this crazy week to throw open the windows, enjoy the 55 degree weather, blast the Erykah Badu Pandora station (if you don't know, now you know), and tinker about with some potential additions to the Greek Easter line up.

I loved making these eggplant rolldakia (alternate Kef name "Egg(plant) Rolls," but the Greek won out over the pun this time). The inspiration came from this vegan version, but I had to cheese mine way up.

Eggplant Rolldakia

Ingredients

• 1 jar of your favorite tomato sauce (my money is on smoky marinara)
• 3 medium-large eggplant (length more important than girth in this case)
• salt to sprinkle
• olive oil
• 30 oz ricotta cheese
• 8-12 oz feta, depending on how feta-y you like your filling to taste
• 1/2 c grated romano (or parmesan if you are working with a nurse's budget, like me)
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1/2 c minced basil
• 4-5 cloves minced garlic

Assembly

1. Preheat oven to 375. Lightly grease rimmed 2-3 baking pans and let them heat up in the oven as it preheats. Put ricotta cheese in a strainer to get rid of excess liquid. Wash eggplant, chop off the stems. Slice eggplants vertically into thin strips, aiming for slices that are 1/2 inch thick or less. I found that I did a crappy job on the first one but had the skill honed by the third eggplant--so learning curve ain't a steep one. Lay slices on clean dish towels or paper towels, sprinkle fairly generously with salt and let sit for 15 minutes or so--you will see the excess water come to top of each slice.

2. As the eggplant slices sit in salt, stir in a bowl until combined the ricotta, feta, romano, egg, and basil. 

3. Wipe off the moisture from the top of the slices. Arrange slices in a single layer on the hot pans--they will probably not all fit in one round. Cook in oven until slightly browned on bottom, about 5 minutes. Flip and cook another 4-5 minutes more so other side browns as well. Once both sides are slightly browned, take off pan and let cool. Repeat until you've gone through all the slices.

4. As you work through browning all the slices, start filling the cooled eggplant with cheese. Put 1-1.5 TBS of filling at one end of a slice and roll tightly, finishing with the seam down. Repeat until either filling or slices run out (I had some extra filling left over).

5. Arrange on a rimmed baking sheet (no need to regrease). Don't let them touch, but the rolls can be very close together. Mine fit on one large pan. Distribute tomato sauce among rolls, spreading it between and over them.

6. Bake for 15-20 minutes. Rolldakia are done when the eggplant look more brown than white--sorry that is the best way I can describe it. If you take them out and they are not easily sliced with a knife, they are not done.

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Carrot Chickpea Raisin Salad

The end is here! I'm off nights and back to the world of the living. Praise. The. Lord.

This night shift was especially tough on my diet-- the combination of weird hours, dark nights, and cold weather is enough to send a woman straight to the all-gluten, all-sugar, everything-processed section of the grocery store. Basically, I was what needed to be cleaned up on aisle 9.

So now that it's done we're in full-on detox mode, which means more vegetables and less SGS. Never fear--I still have to post some quality cookies, muffins, and cakes made during my interlude as a vampire-- so it won't all be healthy. In the words of my dear friend, Mel (Kef name forthcoming): Never that.

Carrot Chickpea Raisin Salad

                                                                                     Ingredients

• 1 can of chickpeas
• 1 medium onion, cut in quarters

1 bay leaf

1 cup carrots, shredded

1/2 c raisins

3-5 tbsp of olive oil

2 tbsp fresh mint, finely chopped

juice of 1 lemon

1/2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 1 pinch cumin

1 pinch coriander

1/4- 1/2 c spring onions, finely chopped

 Assembly:

 1. Drain chickpeas and throw out water from can. Throw the chickpeas, quartered onion, and bay leaf in a pot that will fit them all without squishing them too much. Boil on medium heat for 20-30 min, until they are tender but not overcooked. Once tender, use a strainer to drain the chickpeas. Throw out onion and bayleaf.
 

2. In a large bowl, combine the chickpeas, carrots, and raisins and drizzle with the oil to taste.
 

3. Add the rest of the ingredients and mix thoroughly. Serve the salad room temp or cold.

Thanks to Tastespotting for bringing us this one!

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Mojito Magic

Basically, it all boils down to this: if I like you, I will bake you a cake for your birthday/engagement/niece's quincenera/whatever. But if I adore you, I will make you one of my four favorite cakes on the planet.

This mojito cake is one of them (for the record: nutella bread pudding, pumpkin praline trifle, and this really life-changing orange caramel cake are the other three).  It's not the simplest dessert to make--the original CakeLove recipe is three pages long-- but it is a labor of love that pays for itself four-fold in its deliciousness. 

Last weekend I got the chance to make this cakeypoo for an especially lovely woman on her thirtieth birthday. It's light, boozy, unique and a great party trick-- the only way this cake gets better is if you get to enjoy it with your favorite people.

Some points about this cake: (1) it requires dried mint, which means you have to roast up mint leaves and then pull off the leaves from the stem. This is best done when listening to Afroman's "Colt 45" (2) This icing is not for the anxiety-ridden amongst us. I have made this particular recipe with a success rate of only 50%. DO NOT make this icing unless you have time to remake it or have Xanax and a can of Betty Crocker handy (3) Each ingredient is absolutely essential. I went to the grocery store three times between the hours of midnight and 7am because I kept forgetting something. Do not substitute. Trust the cake.

CakeLove Mojito Cake with Rum Meringue Icing

Ingredients

Dry

• 2 1/4 c + 2 TBS all-purpose flour
• 1/4 c potato starch
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp ground cloves
• 2 bunches fresh mint

Liquid

• 2/3 c sour cream
• 1/4 c half-and-half
• 3 TBS dark rum
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp molasses
• 1 lime, zested and segmented (save zest)

Creaming

• 2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 1/4 c sugar
• 2 tsp lime zest
• 4 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks (Hint: the cake requires yolk and the icing requires egg whites, so please do count your eggs before you "hatch" them...)
  

Icing

• a high-temperature candy thermometer
• 5 egg whites
• 1 1/4 c extra-fine granulated sugar, divided into 1 c and 1/4 c
• 1/4 cup cold water
• 3 TBS rum
• 3-4 sticks unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
• 2 bags frozen vegetables, preferably something like frozen peas, spinach, or corn

Cake Assembly

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Pull leaves off main stem and into folded tin foil so it resembles a box. Poke holes on top of "box" and put into oven on a cookie sheet until mint is totally dried out, about 12 minutes. Once totally dried, crumble the mint into a small bowl, removing the small veiny stems as much as possible. Whisk together the dry ingredients (no need to overwhisk--just combine) and set aside. Mix together liquid ingredients until just combined, set aside.  
 
2. Using the paddle attachment of a stand mixer or a hand mixer, cream together the butter, sugar, and lime zest on the lowest setting for 4 to 5 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time while still on the lowest speed, fully incorporating after each addition. Then add the yolks one at a time, making sure to let the first full incorporate before adding the second.
 
3. Read this step in its entirety, then proceed: add the dry and wet mixtures to the creamed mixture in 3-5 alternating installments total, BEGINNING AND ENDING WITH THE DRY MIXTURE. This should take about 60 seconds, total--no need to wait for incorporation in this step. Don't dawdle. Stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl to get all that pesky batter off that sides that bowl and then restart mixer to medium speed for 15 to 20 seconds. Resist the urge to overbeat--20 seconds is all you need.
 
4. Lightly grease two 9-inch-round cake pans--I also like to line the bottom of each pan with parchment paper. Split the batter between the pans and even out the top with a spatula. 

5. Bake for approximately 30 minutes, or until the center is set. A few notes-- this cake is dense--do not rotate until there is some stability in the cake. Also, the sides will burn fairly quickly, so add any additional time in two minute increments and keep a close eye. 

6. Remove the cakes from the oven let cool to room temperature on a wire rack--seriously, let the cake cool ENTIRELY or it will break everywhere. Not cute.

Icing Assembly 
1. Cut the butter into tablespoon sized pieces and set aside.

2. With the wire whisk attachment on a standing mixer, whip the egg whites at high speed until soft peaks form. Add 1/4 cup sugar, then continue whipping until stiff peaks form. If you do not know the difference between soft and stiff peaks--google, practice, and revisit this recipe at a later date.

3. Measure 1 cup sugar and the water into a 1-quart, heavy-bottomed saucepan.  Gently stir with the candy thermometer to combine.  With the thermometer in the pan and a lid partially covering the pot, heat the mixture over medium-high heat until it reaches 245 degrees. Put your frozen vegetables at the base of your mixer bowl, touching as much of the bowl as possible.

4. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS TRICKY--better to picture yourself a nuclear physicist and proceed with extreme caution from here on out. Once the syrup has reached 245 degrees, turn the mixer back onto high and s-l-o-w-l-y pour the syrup into the meringue. After 1 or 2 minutes reduce the mixer speed to medium for 3 or 4 minutes, or until the meringue is cooled--if the meringue is not cooled after this time, just keep mixing until it is at room temp. (This is why the frozen veggies are helpful--if the egg whites stay hot too long the proteins don't manage the fat of the butter in the same way and the whole thing falls apart.)

5. Add the butter 1 tablespoon at a time, waiting until each tablespoon is incorporated before adding another. Sometime around stick 2, it will look like the icing will never come together--have heart, as things start to look up around stick three. I like to stop at 3.5 sticks, but once the frosting comes together take a taste and see what you think.  

6. When you have a recognizable, spreadable icing, add the rum and increase the mixer speed to high for 1 to 2 minutes, or until the butter is fully incorporated.   

7. Spread as you like on your cooled cake. Garnish with lime zest. Refrigerate until 20 minutes before serving. Enjoy!

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Paczki-lala

So, let's talk about my grandma. To borrow a phrase from the Queen Bee herself, she is just "the nuts." An avid animal lover and gardener by day, she takes the Northeastern Pennsylvania pony races by storm at night.  She has, on occasion, been known to refer to something lovely, impressive, or silly as "tchotchy-la-la." To this day, the Kef Family compliments one another as such ("Well, aren't you just a tchotchy-la-la?"). No one said we were normal.

In addition to the unending affection of her grandchildren, daughers, and beloved Golden Doodle, she has captured the heart of one of the most amazing humans alive, BFKef.  These two love each other in a way that makes one thing abundantly clear: I've become superfluous.

A few Mardi Gras seasons ago, at the first meeting of this dangerous duo, GrandmaKef introduced BFKef and I to an amazing thing called the paczki (pronounced ponchki).  Apparently, these are a grand tradition for Mardi Gras among the Polish diaspora, so much so that Fat Tuesday is known as "Paczki Day" in large parts of the Midwest.  When GrandmaKef introduced BFKef to these donut-like delicacies, you can bet BFKef would have thrown his beads all over Northeastern Pennsylvania for another dozen... or two.
 

Every so often, I make something and think to myself, "Holy Moly, Chef Kef, I can't believe you made this." This is absolutely one of those times. Like most bread-based recipes, this one is time-intensive but absolutely not skill-intensive (As proof: I blew through Season 2 of Downton Abbey while I cooked these, which I will ABSOLUTELY be writing about at another time). Turns out fast food has been on to something this whole time and deep-frying is actually quite an easy process. I used a recipe from Serious Eats and followed it to a 'T' without problem.

My first thought when I saw the finished result? Tchotchy-la-la. 

Paczki Fit For a Polish Prince*

Ingredients 

• 2 c whole milk
• 4 1/2 tsp instant yeast (2 Fleishmann's envelopes)
• 1/2 c PLUS 1 TBS sugar
• 5 c all-purpose flour
• 4 egg yolks PLUS one whole egg
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 c unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• A whole lot of canola oil, for frying (you will need at least enough to fill a wide, deep pot up to 2 inches)
• 1 1/2 c berry jelly--try and find one that is smooth and without too many chunks to make filling easier
• 1 c powdered sugar, for dusting

Assembly 
1. In a small saucepan heat milk to between 110 an 115°F. Pour warmed milk into a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer. Dissolve yeast in milk. Add one Tablespoon sugar and two cups of flour. Mix until consistency of pancake batter then cover with plastic wrap and place in a warm spot to allow yeast to activate. Let rest for 30 minutes or until starter is very bubbly. 

2. In a medium bowl combine egg and yolks. Whisk until light and frothy, about 4 minutes. Whisk in 1/2 cup sugar, salt and vanilla.

3. Slowly stir cooled melted butter into yeast starter until combined. Then slowly incorporate egg mixture until just combined. Fit mixer with dough hook. Stir in flour, working 1/2 a cup in at a time until a soft dough comes together. Note: this dough is very sticky.

4. Spray a large bowl with cooking spray and transfer dough to bowl. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and set in a warm place to rise until double in size. About an hour.

5. Turn out dough on a very generously floured surface. Dust surface of dough with flour then punch down dough to about half an inch high. Using anything hard and round (I used an empty tomato sauce jar, a wine glass would also work), cut out doughnuts. Carefully transfer doughnut rounds to parchment lined baking sheets. Cover sheets with a clean dish towel and set in a warm place to rise until doubled in size, about 30 minutes.

6. Pour canola oil into a large dutch oven to a depth of 2 inches. Heat oil to 360°F. Once oil reaches the proper temperature use a heat resistant spatula or shallow strainer to carefully drop doughnuts in, one at a time, cooking a maximum of 3 at once. Cook doughnuts until a warm, deep brown on one side, then using heat resistance tongs turn the doughnut and cook the other side until it reaches the same degree of doneness. Remove from oil letting any excess oil drain off then transfer to a wire rack for cooling. Test your first doughnut to make sure that the insides are completely cooked, if not adjust your cooking time accordingly. Let doughnut cool.

7. Prepare a wide and shallow bowl with powdered sugar. Fill your pastry bag with your favorite preserves and fit the bag with a filling tip. Pipe filling into pączki then dip each side in powdered sugar until covered. (Chef Kefi, RN Editor's Note: the filling was the messiest part for me--I ended up filling from the top to make this a big easier, but separate one or two paczkis for practice specimen!)

*A story for another time.

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A Brunchypoo for Obama

As you may have heard, a fairly large event took place this week in Washington, DC. Last time around, I left the house at 3 am and slept under the Department of Labor in freezing temperatures to watch B.H.S. on a jumbotron from 15 blocks away.   Not even a little bit interested in doing that a second time, I invited some dear friends over for a little brunchypoo.

FatherKef is a big fan of breakfast-making, and especially loves to make a cheesey frittata when there are enough people around to eat the whole thing. He got the recipe from a man named Tyler who is apparently on the Food Network and, as such, this dish is referred to as 'a Tyler' in the Kef household.

I also made a batch of blueberry foccacia, which is most definitely NOT gluten free but I devoured anyway. Whoopsies.

Cheesey Potato Frittata

Ingredients

• 8 extra-large eggs
• 2 TBS heavy cream
• 1 c grated Gruyere cheese
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• 1 TBS unsalted butter
• 1 small onion, diced
• 4 small red potatoes, diced
• 1 c diced smoked ham or Canadian bacon (optional)
• 1 c grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, for finishing top
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 1 bunch chives, chopped

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, cream, Gruyere cheese, salt, and pepper until foamy. Melt butter over medium-large heat--make sure this pan can be transferred to the oven (it will say on the bottom "oven safe" and should NOT have a rubber handle!). Add the onion and potatoes and cook thoroughly.

3. Pour the egg mixture over the top. Pull the edges away from the sides of the pan with a spatula so the eggs flow to the bottom of the pan. When the frittata is half set, add the ham if using it.

4. Transfer the pan to the heated oven. Bake for 10 minutes until puffed and golden, with firm (but not dry) center.

5. Remove from oven.  FatherKef has developed an amazing technique for this last part--grab a big serving dish, cover pan and flip in one swoop so that frittata is now right-side-up and on dish. Shower with grated Parmesan and serve garnished with sour cream and chives.

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Sweet 'n' Salty Almond Butter Cups

In the words of my dear friend GingerKef, "Wowowowowowowowowowow!" 

I've been eyeing all the iterations of homemade Reese's cups out there on the interwebs, but none have been exactly sugar-free--the recipes I've seen have called for some kind sugar for either the nut butter or the chocolate shell. That ends now.

I played around with these puppies last night, and was amazed to find how easy they really are.  BF Kef was HUGE fan and promptly enjoyed two of these fancy little treats. They're a little sweet, a little salty, and a delicious replacement for any Reese's lover.

You'll have lots of almond butter left over--keep it in a container at room temp and enjoy it on apples, bananas, toast, and everything else on which almond butter is awesome.


Ingredients

• 2 c slivered almonds
• 2 c unsweetened shredded coconut
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4-1/2 tsp salt
• 10oz bag of unsweetened carob chip (or dark chocolate over 50% if you prefer)

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 350. Put an ungreased cupcake tin in the freezer.
2. Spread almonds out on a rimmed baking pan. Roast in oven for 10 minutes, until lightly browned.
3. While almonds roast, put coconut and in a food processor. Blend until buttery, which will take about 10 minutes. About half way through, add the vanilla extract to keep the mixer moving.
4. Once roasted, let almonds cool for 2-3 minutes, then add the nuts, 1/4 c of the carob chips and salt to the coconut/vanilla mix in food processor. Blend until the mixture resembles a loose nut butter. Check for taste, and add another 1/4 c of carob chips if you feel so inclined. Set aside.
5. Heat a deep pot of water to a low boil. Remove cupcake tin from freeze. Place remaining carob chips in a handheld pot small enough to hold over the boiling water.  Stirring very frequently, place the small pot over the hot water (but try to keep bottom from touching water) and allow carob to melt. This will take 3-5 minutes. 
6. Using a spatula, divide the carob between each cupcake hole--each one should get enough to cover the bottom completely. Move quickly so the carob does not re-harden (if it starts to get firm again, put back over the boiling water for a few seconds and stir). It will not be pretty. Then, use the back of a metal spoon to smooth out the melted carob and push some up the sides of the tin. Again--it will not be pretty, just do what you can.
7. Add about 1 TBS of almond butter to each cupcake holder and smooth. We liked these without a top layer of carob--but if you have any left over, go ahead and pour it over the almond butter to make a final layer of "chocolate." Put cupcake tin back in freezer for 15-30 minutes. Once frozen, remove from cupcake forms and let come to room temperature before enjoying.

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Paulatimi's Fabulous Fudge

My mother has been known to bake dozens of Christmas cookies each year.  No--not a few dozen chocolate chip cookies... dozens of KINDS of cookies. Monster cookies, peanut butter surprise cookies, oatmeal raisin, white-chocolate cranberry, Linzer, sugar, gingerbread... the list goes on.

Paula's famous party platter--no one goes home with one!
Fudge is those tan squares with red/green M&Ms.

But none are as good as her famous no-bake M&M fudge. This is definitively NOT sugar free-- in fact, it falls into the same sickly sweet category as my other favorite seasonal treats (candy corn and Peeps--don't judge me), but I fall for it everytime. My advice? Cut small and make sure you have reinforcements to help you eat!

Ingredients

• 2 1/2 cups of sugar
• 3/4 cup butter 2/3 cup (5 1/3 oz) evaporated milk
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter
• 1 jar (7oz) marshallow fluff
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 1/2 cups m&m's plain (use colors for an easy themed dessert--MamaKef uses red and green at Christmas, I use team colors for the Super Bowl, etc)

Assembly

1. Combine sugar, butter, milk, and salt in heavy 3 qt sausepan; bring to full rolling boil over high heat, STIRRING CONSTANTLY with a wooden spoon.  Continue boiling over med heat 5 min stirring constantly. 2. Remove from heat; stir in peanut butter until melted.
3. Add marshmallow fluff; mix until blended. Fold in M&Ms; immediately spread into greased 13 x9 inch baking pan.
4. Cool at room temperature; cut into squares.
Makes one 13x9 inch pan of fudge (about 3 lbs).

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Pan Dulce

 I love making bread.  This is a new recipe to the Kef repertoire--a Mexican treat just sweet enough to be considered a sweet bread, which makes it a great addition to any brunch.  I used this recipe for inspiration and added some orange for flavor. Enjoy!

Ingredients
-- 1/4 c warm water
-- 2 1/2 tsp instant yeast (1 Fleishmann's pack)
-- 2/3 c warm whole milk
-- 4 large eggs
-- 2 tsp Grand Marnier (or vanilla extract)
-- zest of one orange
-- 2 tsp cinnamon
-- 3/4 teaspoon salt
-- 2/3 cup sugar
-- 4 to 5 cups all-purpose flour
-- 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature and cut into small pieces
-----
-- 3/4 c unbleached all-purpose flour
-- 3/4 c confectioners sugar
-- 4 TBS unsalted butter, room temperature and separated into TBS
-- 1 large egg
-- 2 TBS whole milk
-- 1 TBS pure vanilla extract
-- 1 TBS ground cinnamon


Assembly:
1. Combine the warm water, yeast, milk, eggs, Grand Marnier, zest, cinnamon, salt and sugar in a standing mixer with paddle attachment. Throw in 1 cup of flour, beat until combined and smooth. Mix in another cup of flour and then the butter, mix until incorporated. Half a cup at a time, add an additional two cups of flour (so you have now used 4 cups total--the dough will be very sticky). Leave the dough to rest for 5 minutes.
2. Cover your hands and work surface in flour (I just use a big cutting board). Knead the dough for five minutes, adding 1 TBS of flour at a time as it gets sticky--basically, you are pushing/pulling the dough like a Brooklyn pizza maker and adding 1 TBS of flour at a time to prevent stickiness. The flour is JUST to prevent sticking, so don't give in to the temptation to throw tons more flour in there. You're done when the dough is soft and only a little sticky.   
3. Make the dough into a ball and put it in a large bowl (lightly greased with oil, butter, or Pam) and turn it over once to very lightly coat with grease. Cover bowl with plastic wrap and leave it in a warm place for one hour so the dough can rise.
4. Put the dough back on your floured surface (save your plastic wrap--you can reuse it). Use a sharp knife to cut the dough into quarters. Then make four more pieces out of each quarter--so you now have 16 pieces. Roll each of these into a smooth ball. Put each ball on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, a few inches apart. 
5. With the same sharp knife, cut three slits into the top of each ball--I tried varying depths and they all worked out fine--I liked the look of the deep (but not all the way through) cut best. 
6. Cover each tray with lightly-greased plastic wrap (grease side-down, natch). Let the dough rise for another hour.
7. Make your topping-- combine the flour, confectioners sugar, butter, egg, milk, vanilla and cinnamon in a mixing bowl until smooth. Put one TBS of mix on each bun--it will not look pretty but that is a-okay. The heat of baking smooths it out. Allow the buns to rise for ANOTHER 30 minutes.  Preheat oven to 375 when you have ten minutes to go.
8. Bake at 375or 18-24 minutes or until golden brown. Allow to cool before serving.

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Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Take-Out Shrimp Fried "Rice"

There's no run-up to this one: last night I made the most delicious imitation ever-- shrimp fried "rice" that uses my favorite culinary chameleon, cauliflower, instead of rice. Don't be intimidated by the long ingredient list-- this dish is actually quite easy and would be great for a cozy dinner party on an ugly winter night. Enjoy!

Thanks to Tastespotting for bringing me this recipe

If you have two frying pans, you'll need both. If not, just make the cauliflower and then the vegetables.
Ingredients 
--1/4 c water 

--3 TBS fresh lime juice (to taste)

--2 TBS green curry paste (international aisle)

--1 TBS + 1 tsp honey or agave

--1/2 tsp apple cider vinegar

---

--3 c cauliflower, grated (about 1 large head)
--2-3 TBS coconut oil (or whatever oil you like)
--1 c carrots, diced
--1 c onion, diced
--3-5 garlic cloves, minced
--1 c shrimp, chopped  
--2 large eggs, beaten lightly 
--1/4 cup spring onions, chopped 
--1/4 cilantro, chopped

Assembly
1. Grate the cauliflower, using a hand grater if at all possible (even I did not use the food processor this time!). Keep in a separate bowl.
2. Mince and dice and chop all the the other ingredients (carrots, onions, garlic, shrimp, spring onions, and cilantro).  Keep each separate.
3. In one pan, heat 1 TBS oil over medium heat.  Add the cauliflower, spreading out in as thin a layer as possible.  Cook for at least five minutes, or until it begins to brown.
4. In the other pan, heat 2 TBS oil.  Add onions and cook until fragrant and translucent, 2-3 minutes.  Then, add the garlic and carrots. Cook over med-high heat, until carrots are soft (5-7 minutes).
5. While the vegetables are cooking, mix together all the sauce ingredients. Now you have a delicious sauce.
6. Back to the cauliflower--once you have a good portion of browned "rice," make a well in the middle of the cauliflower. Add eggs and toss around, until the rice becomes light and fluffy and egg is cooked. Keep warm over low heat, stirring occasionally.
7. Once the carrots are softened, add the shrimp and cook until done all the way through.
8. Add the cauliflower to the vegetables and toss evenly. Garnish with cilantro and spring onions.
9. Separate into servings and use sauce evenly among the plates.

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Occupy the Grocery Store: Slow Cooker Mustard Brussels Sprouts

Last week I did something crazy--I met up with some friends the night before I had to work and stayed out until 10:30 PM, which is WAY past bedtime. The resulting "Nurses Gone Wild" video should be released in time for Christmas delivery.

But seriously--it was getting late and I had nothing to eat for lunch during the 12.5 hour shift the next day. Not wanting to brave the hospital cafeteria, I peered into my refrigerator and came up with... a bag of brussels sprouts.

Without time to DO anything with said brussels sprouts (btw: did everyone else know that it's brusselS sprouts, not bussel sprouts?)--a quick google search popped up with a very short slow-cooker recipe for mustard sprouts.  If ever a recipe towed the line between absolutely delightful and dreadfully terrible, this was it  Three minutes, six ingredients, and a few too-short hours of sleep later, I woke up to the most delicious smell in my kitchen and a yummy lunch that earned the envy of most of the break room.

Don't like the lighting? You wake up at 515 am and see
how much natural light your kitchen gets. 

Slow Cooker Mustard Brussels Sprouts

Ingredients

• 1 lb brussel sprouts (1 16oz bag), washed
• 3 TBS oil
• 1 TBS dijon mustard (some mustards have sugar in them--check ingredients if you care)
• 1/2 tsp black pepper
• 1/4 tsp kosher salt
• 1/4 cup water
• 1 washed sweet potato, skin still on (optional--I just need more to eat!)

Assembly
1. Wash the sprouts. Chop off the small stem at the bottom, and then halve them.
2. Throw everything in the slow cooker.
3. Heat on low overnight. The ones that are right against the walls will get a little crispy, and that is great.
4. If you used a sweet potato, it will be so soft you can just mash it up and use as a base for the dish.

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Chocolate Chestnut Pie

Chestnuts and figgy pudding are two of a kind. Everyone sings about them, but no one actually eats them. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

Luckily for chestnuts, Thanksgiving at the Kef Household lets them shine once a year--MamaKef has always loved adding chestnuts to her stuffing (though I'm sad to report I have yet to see her roast them over an open fire).  This year, we also threw some chestnuts over our roasted sweet potatoes to a spectacular result.  And this got the Kefwheels turning...

What else can we do with these creamy, delicious treats?

What we have today is a subtle, rich pie that ups the ante and will ensure that chestnuts get more respect than just a passing Carol reference.  A more sophisticated version of a diner chocolate mousse pie, it's sure to please anyone who makes it to your holiday buffet.  It is most definitely not a traditional pie--but I'll bet it comes back year after year, anyway.

Sorry, figgy pudding-- maybe someone will actually eat you next year.

I adapted this recipe, whose pictures are nicer.

Ingredients

     --1 can (15 oz) chestnut puree

     --1 bag (9 oz) unsweetened carob chips (if you want to use chocolate, use dark)

     --1 and 3/4 sticks of butter (room temperature), cut into small pieces 

     -- 2 TBS whiskey, cognac, or dark rum
-------------
 --1 c almond meal
--1/2 c coconut flour
--1/2 c carob powder (or cocoa powder)
-- 1 tsp baking soda
-- 2 eggs, beaten
-- 1/8 c honey or maple syrup (more or less, to taste?
-- 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
-- 3 TBS butter, cu into small pieces and softened to room temp 
--OR baked pie crust of choice (Try this pistachio crust)

Assembly
1. For the crust: if you're using your own crust, assemble and bake as directed. Otherwise, preheat oven to 325.  For the sugar-free, gluten-free cookie crust, combine both flours, carob/cocoa powder, and baking soda. Mix well. Add the wet ingredients except the butter and mix until combined. Then add the butter in small pieces, kneading with your fingers until you have a cohesive dough.

2. Press the dough into a buttered pie pan to form the crust. If you don't need all of the dough, use the extra to make cookies- you can use that for a topping. Use a fork to poke holes all over the crust and bake for 9-10 minutes, or until middle is set. Do not overcook- the dough is very dark so it will be hard to tell that it's burnt! Remove from oven and let cool completely.

3. To make the filling, fill a large sauce pan 2/3 full with water and heat over med-high.  Put the carob chips in a small metal bowl or smaller pot and hold over the heated water (but don't let bottom touch water or chips will burn).  Stir constantly to spread heat evenly.  

4. Once melted,  remove from heat and mix in butter, a piece or two at a time, so that it melts into the mixture.

5. Add chestnut puree and mix until combined.  Add vanilla and liquor. Taste mixture and if desired, add more vanilla to sweeten.

6. Pour mixture into pre-made crust and cool in fridge for at least 4 hours (overnight if you have the time).  Use a spatula to even out the top (which I clearly did not do in the above picture).

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French 'Cake' Kef

[Chef Kefi Ed Note: JSK could not stop raving--simply RAVING--about this. I did not get a chance to try it GF, so for now it is full o' flour only.  I will try it with GF flour this weekend and let you know how I did.]

The best part about being in Paris is seeing old friends.  And eating with old friends.  My friend FabKef's girlfriend, HeleneKef (who is herself, of course, a friend now too) has made this delicious 'cake' a few times since I've been here, and I die for it every time.  Careful: in French, 'cake' (pronounced as it is in English) means like 'really delicious bread thing' and not 'cake.'  I have not seen one of these without eating like 6 pieces. It's Keftastic.



Ingredients:

• 3 eggs
• 2/3 c flour
• 3/4 tsp baking powder
• just under 1/2 c vegetable oil (sunflower if possible)
• 1/2 c of whole milk, warmed (but not scalded!)
• 1/2c gruyere cheese, grated
• 8 oz goat cheese, cut into small pieces
• 1/4 c walnuts, crushed
• 1/4 c raisins
• 1 pinch of salt
• 1 pinch of pepper

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 350. Put raisins in cool water to moisten for about 10 minutes. Strain and pat dry with a paper towel.
2. In a mixing bowl, beat together the eggs, the flour and the baking powder.  In a separate small bowl, combine the goat cheese, nuts, and raisins.
3. Gradually add the oil and warm milk to egg mixture. Stir in the gruyere.  Incorporate the already mixed goat cheese, nuts and raisins into the big mix and get everything all mixed up well (you like my translation skills from the French recipie, no?)
4. Put into a non-greased bread pan and cook for 45 minutes.

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