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We've moved to www.cookingupkefi.com please head over there for all the Keftastic fun!

Love-

Chef Kefi, RN

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Joy

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.

Meister Eckhart

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From Pinterest

"And then I shall come to you, a boundless drop to a boundless ocean" - Kahlil Gibran

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Caprese Empanadas

Empanadas have got to be one of the greatest foods on the planet.  I mean really- what's better than a no-fork-required doughy treat with a surprise filling? I rest my case.

I expected this to be one of the recipes I had to sell to the Kef crowd--but I was surprised by how quick and easy this recipe turned out to be. I made the sad mistake of burning mine, so be careful in the final baking stage not to overcook. The dough is paleo-approved (the cheesy filling decidedly not so), and the great news is you can fill these guys with just about anything you like for a great result.

Have a great weekend!

Caprese Empanadas
Ingredients

For the Dough

• 1.5 c unsweetened shredded coconut flakes
• 1 c almond meal
• 1/2 c arrowroot powder (I know...I know. I didn't have it in my kitchen, either)
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 eggs
• 1 TBS apple cider vinegar (lemon juice would be a good sub here)
• 1 TBS watered
• oil of your choice for brushing empanadas

--
For the Filling

• 10 cherry tomatoes
• 5 oz mozzarella cheese
• 1/2 cup basil
• tomato sauce for dipping (optional)

Assembly
1. Preheat the oven to 350F. Grind the almond meal and coconut into a fine powder using a food processor.  Scrape the bottom and sides of processor bowl and grind again for about 2 more minutes.

2. Add arrowroot and salt to processor and mix again until combined. Add eggs and vinegar and mix in processor again until a cohesive dough forms--mine actually formed itself into a lovely dough ball. If necessary, add water 1 TBS at a time (I needed 1 TBS to get all the dough together). 

3. Gather the dough into a firm ball. Generously dust a sheet of wax paper with arrowroot powder and roll the ball in it to dust all sides. Place another sheet of wax paper on top and roll out to 1/8-inch thick (I was at BFKef's and used a wine bottle...make do with whatcha got). Use anything hard, round, and about 6 inches in diameter (I used a small Tupperware) to cut out 5-6 empanadas. You will probably have to cut a few, reform the ball and roll out two or three times in total to use all the dough.  Place your circles on an ungreased baking sheet.

4. To make the filling, finely dice and mix the basil, cheese, and tomatoes. Place on each circle 1-1.5 TBS  of filling --RESIST THE URGE TO OVERFILL. Fold in half and "crimp" the ends together to seal the empanada. Crimping an empanada requires about the same skill level as crimping your hair -- just get to scrunching. Once sealed, brush generously with oil.

5. Bake for 15-20 minutes, depending on the size of your empanadas. To brown them, turn the oven to "broil" for the last two minutes--BUT BE SURE TO WATCH LIKE A HAWK. I left mine for about 30 seconds too long and nearly ruined the whole shebang. Let cool and enjoy! If you'd like, use a tomato sauce for dipping.

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Above All, Have Fun

“This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun!”

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Greek Yogurt Breakfast Tart

One of the great things about working with a gaggle of 20-something women: the magazines that clutter the break room, nurses' station, and nursery. Some people use trashy television to decompress--for me, it's the glossy page.  I never finish the love quizzes or follow any of the make up advice, but I usually find inspiration in the recipe section--and yes, I am that person who rips the recipe page out of the back and keeps you from finishing the article about some woman's harrowing experience with credit card debt or a baby switched at birth. And that, my friends, is where we found this guy:

The good people at Better Homes & Gardens came up with this Greek yogurt tart with a cornflake crust.  It's quick, painless, and you can do the whole thing in one bowl (which is a big plus for the queen of leaving dirty dishes around).  This crust is DELICIOUS and I will definitely use it again for no-bake fillings.  The filling itself ends up tasting like set vanilla yogurt, as the gelatin robs the Greek yogurt of its creaminess--so this is definitely tasty but not a gamechanger. Next time, I will probably add some cream cheese or goat's cheese to keep the creaminess (maybe even use the filling from this pie), but this would be a great addition to any brunch gathering as is.

Greek Yogurt Tart with Cornflake Crust

Ingredients

• 1 1/4 c crushed cornflakes, which took me about 3 c whole corn flakes (Arrowhead Mills makes a gf/sf version)
• 1/3 c butter, melted
• 3 TBS packed brown sugar (I used coconut sugar)
• 1 envelope unflavored gelatin
• 1/4 c water
• 1 1/4 c plain Greek yogurt (FIBBYDY)
• 1/2 c milk
• 1/4 c honey
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 medium orange
• 1/4 c orange marmalade (optional)

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 375F. Combine crushed cornflakes, melted butter, and sugar in a small mixing bowl. Press into the bottom and up the sides of tart pan with removable sides (if you don't have one, any tin pan will do, it just won't look as pretty). Bake for 8-10 minutes, until golden brown. Set aside to cool.

2. Put water in a small microwave-safe bowl. Sprinkle gelatin over water, let stand for 5 minutes. Microwave on high for 20 seconds (stir at halfway point), or until gelatin is dissolved.  In a separate bowl, whisk together yogurt, milk, honey, and vanilla. Whisk in gelatin/water until completely combined. Pour mixture into cooled crust. Chill for at least 4 hours, but overnight is preferable.

3. When ready to serve, peel orange and heat marmalade until just melted. Cut orange however you'd like and decorate the top of tart. Drizzle or brush marmalade over oranges. Serve and enjoy!

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Roasted Eggplant with Buttermilk Yogurt Sauce

Lordy Lou. Hold the damn boat. Holy Moly. Sweet Lord Baby Jesus. Insert other absurd Chef Kefi, RN exclamation here. Ready for a recipe that comes from one of the world's most revered vegetarian kitchens and requires NO culinary skill whatsoever? Read on, young grasshopper. 

So many amazing pictures of this recipe all over the internet that I just couldn't choose! My rendition is the bottom right photo.

The background: A few weeks ago, JetSet Kef implied that I would never reach full yiayia status until I pick up a copy of of Plenty, the vegetarian cookbook written by Yotam Ottolenghi, and master several recipes.  I was, of course, indignant--sure, this guy has 4 incredibly-successful London restaurants and grew up growing his own garden in Mediterranean soil...but I am Chef Kefi, RN for chrissakes.  Hmph.

And then I saw the cover photo. Halved eggplant roasted and smothered in some delicious creamy sauce (which, you already know, we love in Keftown), then topped with POMEGRANATE seeds? Uncle Frank...Is this a joke?!  Where the eff has this book been all my life?

I became bewitched, body and soul, by this recipe. Within minutes of the cookbook's arrival I was at Whole Foods, where I have been scoffing at the out-of-season $6 pomegranates all winter--ONLY TO FIND THEY WERE OUT OF POMEGRANATES IN MY MOMENT OF NEED. Undeterred, I went to three more grocery stores, after which it became evident that the entire food industry conspiring against me and my dream of making this recipe.  I called an audible on the whole thing and switched the pom seeds for a balsamic-pomagranate reduction, and this was still one of my favorite things to come out of my kitchen.  All's well that ends well, I suppose--but I won't pass up one of those $6 out-of-season gifts from the Gods again.

This is hide-your-kids-hide-your-wife good. If Oprah invited me on her show right now, I would jump all over that damn couch proclaiming my love for this. I keep trying to wrap up this post but can't find the right punctuation for my new beloved--so just go find some pomegranates and get to it!

Roasted Eggplant with Yogurt Buttermilk Sauce

Ingredients

• 2 eggplants, large and long
• 1/3 c olive oil
• 1 bunch of fresh thyme (the minipack is enough for the whole recipe)
• salt and pepper, to taste
• Greek season, za'atar, or other spice sachet you like, to taste

----

• 1 pomegrante

OR

• 1 1/2 c balsamic vinegar
• 8 oz pom juice
• 5 sprigs thyme
• 5 garlic cloves, minced

---

• 9 TBS buttermilk
• 1/2 c Greek Yogurt (FIBBYDY)
• 1 1/2 TBS olive oil
• 1 small garlic clove, minced
• pinch of salt

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 400F. Cut eggplants in half lengthwise, even cutting through the green stem (which you won't eat--it's just there to look nice).  Use a small sharp knife and cut three-four parallel lines across the width of the eggplant, careful not to go through the skin.  Repeat 45 degree angle with 3-4 more cuts, making a diamond-shaped pattern (think of it as 4 tally marks and then parallel diagonal lines like you use to show 5 in when keeping tally). 

2. Put the eggplant skin-side-down (flesh up) on a parchment-lined baking sheet. Distribute the entire 1/3 c olive oil between the 4 pieces by brushing it on until the entire amount has been absorbed (which will not take much time, as eggplant is about the most liquid-greedy vegetable out there). Sprinkle with thyme leaves (I put about 2 tsp of fresh thyme on each) and Greek seasoning or za'tar. Roast for 35-40 minutes, until flesh is soft and a nice-looking brown. A knife should very easily move through the roasted flesh. Remove from oven and let cool.

3. While roasting eggplant, whisk together all the sauce ingredients. Taste and add more season for flavor if you feel so inclined. Keep cold until serving.

4. Prepare your pomegranate seeds or balsamic reduction.  To learn how to separate seeds, watch this video. To make balsamic reduction, combine balsamic vinegar, pom juice, leaves from 5 thyme sprigs, and garlic cloves in a medium pot.  Bring to boil, then simmer for 12-15 minutes, until liquid has reduced by about 1/3. This will make way more than you need--keep the rest in fridge and put it on everything or use as a salad dressing.

5. To serve, put lots and lots and lots of buttermilk over the eggplant. Season with more Greek seasoning or za'tar and generous amounts of seeds or reduction. Spread the love for this recipe far and wide!

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Eggplant Rolldakia

There is nothing in this world as relaxing to me as an afternoon in the kitchen. Luckily, I found some time during this crazy week to throw open the windows, enjoy the 55 degree weather, blast the Erykah Badu Pandora station (if you don't know, now you know), and tinker about with some potential additions to the Greek Easter line up.

I loved making these eggplant rolldakia (alternate Kef name "Egg(plant) Rolls," but the Greek won out over the pun this time). The inspiration came from this vegan version, but I had to cheese mine way up.

Eggplant Rolldakia

Ingredients

• 1 jar of your favorite tomato sauce (my money is on smoky marinara)
• 3 medium-large eggplant (length more important than girth in this case)
• salt to sprinkle
• olive oil
• 30 oz ricotta cheese
• 8-12 oz feta, depending on how feta-y you like your filling to taste
• 1/2 c grated romano (or parmesan if you are working with a nurse's budget, like me)
• 1 egg, lightly beaten
• 1/2 c minced basil
• 4-5 cloves minced garlic

Assembly

1. Preheat oven to 375. Lightly grease rimmed 2-3 baking pans and let them heat up in the oven as it preheats. Put ricotta cheese in a strainer to get rid of excess liquid. Wash eggplant, chop off the stems. Slice eggplants vertically into thin strips, aiming for slices that are 1/2 inch thick or less. I found that I did a crappy job on the first one but had the skill honed by the third eggplant--so learning curve ain't a steep one. Lay slices on clean dish towels or paper towels, sprinkle fairly generously with salt and let sit for 15 minutes or so--you will see the excess water come to top of each slice.

2. As the eggplant slices sit in salt, stir in a bowl until combined the ricotta, feta, romano, egg, and basil. 

3. Wipe off the moisture from the top of the slices. Arrange slices in a single layer on the hot pans--they will probably not all fit in one round. Cook in oven until slightly browned on bottom, about 5 minutes. Flip and cook another 4-5 minutes more so other side browns as well. Once both sides are slightly browned, take off pan and let cool. Repeat until you've gone through all the slices.

4. As you work through browning all the slices, start filling the cooled eggplant with cheese. Put 1-1.5 TBS of filling at one end of a slice and roll tightly, finishing with the seam down. Repeat until either filling or slices run out (I had some extra filling left over).

5. Arrange on a rimmed baking sheet (no need to regrease). Don't let them touch, but the rolls can be very close together. Mine fit on one large pan. Distribute tomato sauce among rolls, spreading it between and over them.

6. Bake for 15-20 minutes. Rolldakia are done when the eggplant look more brown than white--sorry that is the best way I can describe it. If you take them out and they are not easily sliced with a knife, they are not done.

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Reading List

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Bright Beginnings: Gf/Sf Blueberry Muffins

Yum a dum dum. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and these blueberry muffins are a grainfree, easy-peasey way to feed a crowd. Thanks to Guilty Kitchen!

Sometimes gf/sf cooking can be an exercise in abstraction, as baked goods can easily become an interpretation of the intended treat rather than a version of it. These muffins, however, are the real deal and  I was impressed by how very recognizably blueberry muffiny they tasted.  I admit that coconut flour is a huge moisture suck, but the resulting teensy lack of moisture was not enough to stop me from eating three...a day.

When I was in seventh grade, I spent a few weeks learning html so I could build an awesome website on Geocities. I'm dusting off the ol' coding cap to upgrade Cooking Up Kefi--so bear with me as I figure out how to tweak the new template.

Gf/Sf Blueberry Muffins

Ingredients

• 3/4 c coconut flour
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp + pinch baking soda
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon
• dash nutmeg
• 6 eggs
• 1/3 c maple syrup
• 1/3 c Greek yogurt (FIBYDY)
• 1 TBSP vanilla extract
• 1/3 c + 3 TBSP coconut oil, melted
• 12 oz frozen blueberries (I used 10 oz and think the extra berries would have helped the moisture issue)

Assembly

1. Preheat oven to 350. Line muffin tins with paper or lightly grease each muffin hole.

2. Combine dry ingredients.

3. Add wet ingredients to dry mixture and stir until lumps are out--it won't be perfectly smooth, but it'll do.

4. Spoon into muffin tins until each is nearly full, as these guys don't rise too too much. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until you can stick a fork in them and it comes out clean.

5. Let cool completely before gobbling up.

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Salmon Avgolemono

Full disclosure: I did not take this picture. But you already knew that.

I did, however, make a very delicious salmon avgolemono. So now glance at that picture again and then imagine a delicious piece of salmon where that roasted chicken is hanging out. That's what I ate for lunch and dinner on Sunday.

This is one of those Greek recipes that sounds more bizarre than it is--trust me when I say that you will never combine lemon, eggs, and rice in a more delicious way.

We are moving into High Holy season here-- the countdown to Greek Easter is on and the final Ferragosto decision has been made (sailing in the Cyclades Islands, thank you very much), so expect an uptick in the number of Greek-related recipes.

In other news: we apparently gain 3 minutes of daylight per day in March. Need I say more?

Salmon Avgolemono
Ingredients

• 2 lbs salmon, skin off
• 1 large red onion, chopped
• 3 lemons
• 3 eggs, separated into whites and yolks
• 3/4 c grain of your choice (cous cous, rice, orzo, pasta, whatever)
• 3 tsp salt
• 1 tsp pepper
• 2 tsp fresh oregano (or 1 tsp dried oregano)

Assembly
1.Preheat the oven to broil. In a medium pot, put the salmon and chopped onions in just enough water so that the salmon is covered. Add 1 tsp salt and let water boil. Boil the salmon until it is cooked through--this took me about 8 or 9 minutes, but will depend on the cut of salmon, thickness of pot, etc The key is not to let it boil much longer than necessary. 

2. Take salmon out of pan and put it on a broiler-proof pan (preferably a rimmed one) with the onions (but leave water in pot--don't throw it out!). Mix together in a small bowl juice from 1 lemon, 2 TBS olive oil, 1/2 tsp pepper, half the oregano, and a tsp of salt. Dump this mixture over the salmon/onions--it will seem an excessive amount but you will be glad later that you did. Broil the salmon/onions until the salmon is gold on top, which took me 7 minutes or so (note: I have an extremely small oven so don't be surprised if yours takes longer).
3. While the salmon cooks, add 2 c water and 1 tsp salt to the pot from before and bring it back to a boil.  Add your grain, cook it according to normal instructions and remove pot from heat when finished.
4. Using a standing mixer, hand mixer, or plain-ol whisk, beat the egg whites until a good foam has formed on the top.  One at a time, mix in the egg yolks and juice from remaining two lemons, fully incorporating each before adding the next (I did yolks first, then juice but it probably doesn't matter)
5. When the broth has reached room temp (and not a degree before!), keep whisking and slowly add the broth into the egg mixture.  AGAIN: you should be whisking in its entirety. Keep whisking until the broth gets thick and frothy. Then add remaining oregano and salt/pepper if you feel so inclined.  Serve warm (mine got thicker, creamier, and frothier once I heated it back up in the microwave) either over the salmon/grain or on the side as pictured above. I poured mine right over top, which ruined the chances of getting a good picture but made for a very, very delicious lunch!
.
  

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PS

I was notified by a certain Spanx-wearer who shall remain nameless that my blueberry focaccia picture did no justice to the dish's deliciousness, so here is a new picture that is hopefully more appetizing.  See the original post for a pic that I thought was very artsy and retro-ish and understand why I am neither a photographer nor an Instagram user.

If you are a talented photographer and want to take pretty pictures of my food in exchange for eating lots of semi-bizarre-but-mostly-delicious food, let's talk.

 

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Carrot Chickpea Raisin Salad

The end is here! I'm off nights and back to the world of the living. Praise. The. Lord.

This night shift was especially tough on my diet-- the combination of weird hours, dark nights, and cold weather is enough to send a woman straight to the all-gluten, all-sugar, everything-processed section of the grocery store. Basically, I was what needed to be cleaned up on aisle 9.

So now that it's done we're in full-on detox mode, which means more vegetables and less SGS. Never fear--I still have to post some quality cookies, muffins, and cakes made during my interlude as a vampire-- so it won't all be healthy. In the words of my dear friend, Mel (Kef name forthcoming): Never that.

Carrot Chickpea Raisin Salad

                                                                                     Ingredients

• 1 can of chickpeas
• 1 medium onion, cut in quarters

1 bay leaf

1 cup carrots, shredded

1/2 c raisins

3-5 tbsp of olive oil

2 tbsp fresh mint, finely chopped

juice of 1 lemon

1/2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 1 pinch cumin

1 pinch coriander

1/4- 1/2 c spring onions, finely chopped

 Assembly:

 1. Drain chickpeas and throw out water from can. Throw the chickpeas, quartered onion, and bay leaf in a pot that will fit them all without squishing them too much. Boil on medium heat for 20-30 min, until they are tender but not overcooked. Once tender, use a strainer to drain the chickpeas. Throw out onion and bayleaf.
 

2. In a large bowl, combine the chickpeas, carrots, and raisins and drizzle with the oil to taste.
 

3. Add the rest of the ingredients and mix thoroughly. Serve the salad room temp or cold.

Thanks to Tastespotting for bringing us this one!

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Trying to enjoy winter...

... but one thought remains in my mind: IS IT FERRAGOSTO YET?

"I have always intended to live forever; but not until now, to live now."--Galway Kennell

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Mojito Magic

Basically, it all boils down to this: if I like you, I will bake you a cake for your birthday/engagement/niece's quincenera/whatever. But if I adore you, I will make you one of my four favorite cakes on the planet.

This mojito cake is one of them (for the record: nutella bread pudding, pumpkin praline trifle, and this really life-changing orange caramel cake are the other three).  It's not the simplest dessert to make--the original CakeLove recipe is three pages long-- but it is a labor of love that pays for itself four-fold in its deliciousness. 

Last weekend I got the chance to make this cakeypoo for an especially lovely woman on her thirtieth birthday. It's light, boozy, unique and a great party trick-- the only way this cake gets better is if you get to enjoy it with your favorite people.

Some points about this cake: (1) it requires dried mint, which means you have to roast up mint leaves and then pull off the leaves from the stem. This is best done when listening to Afroman's "Colt 45" (2) This icing is not for the anxiety-ridden amongst us. I have made this particular recipe with a success rate of only 50%. DO NOT make this icing unless you have time to remake it or have Xanax and a can of Betty Crocker handy (3) Each ingredient is absolutely essential. I went to the grocery store three times between the hours of midnight and 7am because I kept forgetting something. Do not substitute. Trust the cake.

CakeLove Mojito Cake with Rum Meringue Icing

Ingredients

Dry

• 2 1/4 c + 2 TBS all-purpose flour
• 1/4 c potato starch
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp ground cloves
• 2 bunches fresh mint

Liquid

• 2/3 c sour cream
• 1/4 c half-and-half
• 3 TBS dark rum
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp molasses
• 1 lime, zested and segmented (save zest)

Creaming

• 2 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature
• 2 1/4 c sugar
• 2 tsp lime zest
• 4 large eggs
• 2 large egg yolks (Hint: the cake requires yolk and the icing requires egg whites, so please do count your eggs before you "hatch" them...)
  

Icing

• a high-temperature candy thermometer
• 5 egg whites
• 1 1/4 c extra-fine granulated sugar, divided into 1 c and 1/4 c
• 1/4 cup cold water
• 3 TBS rum
• 3-4 sticks unsalted butter, softened to room temperature
• 2 bags frozen vegetables, preferably something like frozen peas, spinach, or corn

Cake Assembly

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Pull leaves off main stem and into folded tin foil so it resembles a box. Poke holes on top of "box" and put into oven on a cookie sheet until mint is totally dried out, about 12 minutes. Once totally dried, crumble the mint into a small bowl, removing the small veiny stems as much as possible. Whisk together the dry ingredients (no need to overwhisk--just combine) and set aside. Mix together liquid ingredients until just combined, set aside.  
 
2. Using the paddle attachment of a stand mixer or a hand mixer, cream together the butter, sugar, and lime zest on the lowest setting for 4 to 5 minutes. Add the eggs one at a time while still on the lowest speed, fully incorporating after each addition. Then add the yolks one at a time, making sure to let the first full incorporate before adding the second.
 
3. Read this step in its entirety, then proceed: add the dry and wet mixtures to the creamed mixture in 3-5 alternating installments total, BEGINNING AND ENDING WITH THE DRY MIXTURE. This should take about 60 seconds, total--no need to wait for incorporation in this step. Don't dawdle. Stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl to get all that pesky batter off that sides that bowl and then restart mixer to medium speed for 15 to 20 seconds. Resist the urge to overbeat--20 seconds is all you need.
 
4. Lightly grease two 9-inch-round cake pans--I also like to line the bottom of each pan with parchment paper. Split the batter between the pans and even out the top with a spatula. 

5. Bake for approximately 30 minutes, or until the center is set. A few notes-- this cake is dense--do not rotate until there is some stability in the cake. Also, the sides will burn fairly quickly, so add any additional time in two minute increments and keep a close eye. 

6. Remove the cakes from the oven let cool to room temperature on a wire rack--seriously, let the cake cool ENTIRELY or it will break everywhere. Not cute.

Icing Assembly 
1. Cut the butter into tablespoon sized pieces and set aside.

2. With the wire whisk attachment on a standing mixer, whip the egg whites at high speed until soft peaks form. Add 1/4 cup sugar, then continue whipping until stiff peaks form. If you do not know the difference between soft and stiff peaks--google, practice, and revisit this recipe at a later date.

3. Measure 1 cup sugar and the water into a 1-quart, heavy-bottomed saucepan.  Gently stir with the candy thermometer to combine.  With the thermometer in the pan and a lid partially covering the pot, heat the mixture over medium-high heat until it reaches 245 degrees. Put your frozen vegetables at the base of your mixer bowl, touching as much of the bowl as possible.

4. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS TRICKY--better to picture yourself a nuclear physicist and proceed with extreme caution from here on out. Once the syrup has reached 245 degrees, turn the mixer back onto high and s-l-o-w-l-y pour the syrup into the meringue. After 1 or 2 minutes reduce the mixer speed to medium for 3 or 4 minutes, or until the meringue is cooled--if the meringue is not cooled after this time, just keep mixing until it is at room temp. (This is why the frozen veggies are helpful--if the egg whites stay hot too long the proteins don't manage the fat of the butter in the same way and the whole thing falls apart.)

5. Add the butter 1 tablespoon at a time, waiting until each tablespoon is incorporated before adding another. Sometime around stick 2, it will look like the icing will never come together--have heart, as things start to look up around stick three. I like to stop at 3.5 sticks, but once the frosting comes together take a taste and see what you think.  

6. When you have a recognizable, spreadable icing, add the rum and increase the mixer speed to high for 1 to 2 minutes, or until the butter is fully incorporated.   

7. Spread as you like on your cooled cake. Garnish with lime zest. Refrigerate until 20 minutes before serving. Enjoy!

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Happy Valentine's Day!

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. --Emily Bronte

 

... and I can't stop watching Downton Abbey.

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Paczki-lala

So, let's talk about my grandma. To borrow a phrase from the Queen Bee herself, she is just "the nuts." An avid animal lover and gardener by day, she takes the Northeastern Pennsylvania pony races by storm at night.  She has, on occasion, been known to refer to something lovely, impressive, or silly as "tchotchy-la-la." To this day, the Kef Family compliments one another as such ("Well, aren't you just a tchotchy-la-la?"). No one said we were normal.

In addition to the unending affection of her grandchildren, daughers, and beloved Golden Doodle, she has captured the heart of one of the most amazing humans alive, BFKef.  These two love each other in a way that makes one thing abundantly clear: I've become superfluous.

A few Mardi Gras seasons ago, at the first meeting of this dangerous duo, GrandmaKef introduced BFKef and I to an amazing thing called the paczki (pronounced ponchki).  Apparently, these are a grand tradition for Mardi Gras among the Polish diaspora, so much so that Fat Tuesday is known as "Paczki Day" in large parts of the Midwest.  When GrandmaKef introduced BFKef to these donut-like delicacies, you can bet BFKef would have thrown his beads all over Northeastern Pennsylvania for another dozen... or two.
 

Every so often, I make something and think to myself, "Holy Moly, Chef Kef, I can't believe you made this." This is absolutely one of those times. Like most bread-based recipes, this one is time-intensive but absolutely not skill-intensive (As proof: I blew through Season 2 of Downton Abbey while I cooked these, which I will ABSOLUTELY be writing about at another time). Turns out fast food has been on to something this whole time and deep-frying is actually quite an easy process. I used a recipe from Serious Eats and followed it to a 'T' without problem.

My first thought when I saw the finished result? Tchotchy-la-la. 

Paczki Fit For a Polish Prince*

Ingredients 

• 2 c whole milk
• 4 1/2 tsp instant yeast (2 Fleishmann's envelopes)
• 1/2 c PLUS 1 TBS sugar
• 5 c all-purpose flour
• 4 egg yolks PLUS one whole egg
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4 c unsalted butter, melted and cooled
• A whole lot of canola oil, for frying (you will need at least enough to fill a wide, deep pot up to 2 inches)
• 1 1/2 c berry jelly--try and find one that is smooth and without too many chunks to make filling easier
• 1 c powdered sugar, for dusting

Assembly 
1. In a small saucepan heat milk to between 110 an 115°F. Pour warmed milk into a large bowl or the bowl of a stand mixer. Dissolve yeast in milk. Add one Tablespoon sugar and two cups of flour. Mix until consistency of pancake batter then cover with plastic wrap and place in a warm spot to allow yeast to activate. Let rest for 30 minutes or until starter is very bubbly. 

2. In a medium bowl combine egg and yolks. Whisk until light and frothy, about 4 minutes. Whisk in 1/2 cup sugar, salt and vanilla.

3. Slowly stir cooled melted butter into yeast starter until combined. Then slowly incorporate egg mixture until just combined. Fit mixer with dough hook. Stir in flour, working 1/2 a cup in at a time until a soft dough comes together. Note: this dough is very sticky.

4. Spray a large bowl with cooking spray and transfer dough to bowl. Cover tightly with plastic wrap and set in a warm place to rise until double in size. About an hour.

5. Turn out dough on a very generously floured surface. Dust surface of dough with flour then punch down dough to about half an inch high. Using anything hard and round (I used an empty tomato sauce jar, a wine glass would also work), cut out doughnuts. Carefully transfer doughnut rounds to parchment lined baking sheets. Cover sheets with a clean dish towel and set in a warm place to rise until doubled in size, about 30 minutes.

6. Pour canola oil into a large dutch oven to a depth of 2 inches. Heat oil to 360°F. Once oil reaches the proper temperature use a heat resistant spatula or shallow strainer to carefully drop doughnuts in, one at a time, cooking a maximum of 3 at once. Cook doughnuts until a warm, deep brown on one side, then using heat resistance tongs turn the doughnut and cook the other side until it reaches the same degree of doneness. Remove from oil letting any excess oil drain off then transfer to a wire rack for cooling. Test your first doughnut to make sure that the insides are completely cooked, if not adjust your cooking time accordingly. Let doughnut cool.

7. Prepare a wide and shallow bowl with powdered sugar. Fill your pastry bag with your favorite preserves and fit the bag with a filling tip. Pipe filling into pączki then dip each side in powdered sugar until covered. (Chef Kefi, RN Editor's Note: the filling was the messiest part for me--I ended up filling from the top to make this a big easier, but separate one or two paczkis for practice specimen!)

*A story for another time.

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Solid Gold Sh!t

Dear Friends--

As you may have heard, I'm on the night shift for awhile.  I originally intended for it to be six weeks of cooking fun, but mostly I have been keeping up with the Kardashians and the other trashy television stars who show up after 2 am. I have gotten off the couch long enough to get a couple new recipes in the works, but nothing's been perfected yet except my memorization of the new Insanity infomercial in its entirety.

In the meantime, I've been gorging myself on what I call "Solid Gold Sh!t" (bonus points if you catch the Love Actually reference).  This is the foodgroup that consists of a whole bunch of semi- to very healthy ingredients put together in such proportions, quantities, or iterations that they lose most semblance of nutrition altogether.  Put simply: Solid Gold Sh!t is junk food that sounds healthy but probably isn't.

Some favorites:

SO Delicious makes gluten-free, no-sugar-added ice cream. The chocolate flavor is by far the best, though the mint chip ain't bad either.  The state of Virginia may outlaw "pinting and driving" soon, as I've been known to try and brave traffic while housing one of these puppies!

Probably my favorite treat on the planet right now, Coco-Roons have the texture of a delicious cookie and the sweetness of a real lemon pie. Sadly, these guys run about $8.99/package, and nursing just can't support the habit all that often... but a girl can dream.

These chips right HERE taste like corn chips, but the first ingredient is PEAS! I had every intention of making a superbowl taco dip with these but then got really lazy and just ate the whole bag. These guys are also BFKef approved, so you know they taste like the real thing.

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Just a Thought

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A Brunchypoo for Obama

As you may have heard, a fairly large event took place this week in Washington, DC. Last time around, I left the house at 3 am and slept under the Department of Labor in freezing temperatures to watch B.H.S. on a jumbotron from 15 blocks away.   Not even a little bit interested in doing that a second time, I invited some dear friends over for a little brunchypoo.

FatherKef is a big fan of breakfast-making, and especially loves to make a cheesey frittata when there are enough people around to eat the whole thing. He got the recipe from a man named Tyler who is apparently on the Food Network and, as such, this dish is referred to as 'a Tyler' in the Kef household.

I also made a batch of blueberry foccacia, which is most definitely NOT gluten free but I devoured anyway. Whoopsies.

Cheesey Potato Frittata

Ingredients

• 8 extra-large eggs
• 2 TBS heavy cream
• 1 c grated Gruyere cheese
• Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• 1 TBS unsalted butter
• 1 small onion, diced
• 4 small red potatoes, diced
• 1 c diced smoked ham or Canadian bacon (optional)
• 1 c grated Parmigiano-Reggiano, for finishing top
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 1 bunch chives, chopped

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

2. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, cream, Gruyere cheese, salt, and pepper until foamy. Melt butter over medium-large heat--make sure this pan can be transferred to the oven (it will say on the bottom "oven safe" and should NOT have a rubber handle!). Add the onion and potatoes and cook thoroughly.

3. Pour the egg mixture over the top. Pull the edges away from the sides of the pan with a spatula so the eggs flow to the bottom of the pan. When the frittata is half set, add the ham if using it.

4. Transfer the pan to the heated oven. Bake for 10 minutes until puffed and golden, with firm (but not dry) center.

5. Remove from oven.  FatherKef has developed an amazing technique for this last part--grab a big serving dish, cover pan and flip in one swoop so that frittata is now right-side-up and on dish. Shower with grated Parmesan and serve garnished with sour cream and chives.

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Happy Birthday (observed), MLK

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Public Service Announcement

THIS IS A CHEF KEFI, RN PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

FAGE IS ON SALE 10/$10 AT GIANT AND STOP AND SHOP LOCATIONS NATIONWIDE!

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Sweet 'n' Salty Almond Butter Cups

In the words of my dear friend GingerKef, "Wowowowowowowowowowow!" 

I've been eyeing all the iterations of homemade Reese's cups out there on the interwebs, but none have been exactly sugar-free--the recipes I've seen have called for some kind sugar for either the nut butter or the chocolate shell. That ends now.

I played around with these puppies last night, and was amazed to find how easy they really are.  BF Kef was HUGE fan and promptly enjoyed two of these fancy little treats. They're a little sweet, a little salty, and a delicious replacement for any Reese's lover.

You'll have lots of almond butter left over--keep it in a container at room temp and enjoy it on apples, bananas, toast, and everything else on which almond butter is awesome.


Ingredients

• 2 c slivered almonds
• 2 c unsweetened shredded coconut
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/4-1/2 tsp salt
• 10oz bag of unsweetened carob chip (or dark chocolate over 50% if you prefer)

Assembly
1. Preheat oven to 350. Put an ungreased cupcake tin in the freezer.
2. Spread almonds out on a rimmed baking pan. Roast in oven for 10 minutes, until lightly browned.
3. While almonds roast, put coconut and in a food processor. Blend until buttery, which will take about 10 minutes. About half way through, add the vanilla extract to keep the mixer moving.
4. Once roasted, let almonds cool for 2-3 minutes, then add the nuts, 1/4 c of the carob chips and salt to the coconut/vanilla mix in food processor. Blend until the mixture resembles a loose nut butter. Check for taste, and add another 1/4 c of carob chips if you feel so inclined. Set aside.
5. Heat a deep pot of water to a low boil. Remove cupcake tin from freeze. Place remaining carob chips in a handheld pot small enough to hold over the boiling water.  Stirring very frequently, place the small pot over the hot water (but try to keep bottom from touching water) and allow carob to melt. This will take 3-5 minutes. 
6. Using a spatula, divide the carob between each cupcake hole--each one should get enough to cover the bottom completely. Move quickly so the carob does not re-harden (if it starts to get firm again, put back over the boiling water for a few seconds and stir). It will not be pretty. Then, use the back of a metal spoon to smooth out the melted carob and push some up the sides of the tin. Again--it will not be pretty, just do what you can.
7. Add about 1 TBS of almond butter to each cupcake holder and smooth. We liked these without a top layer of carob--but if you have any left over, go ahead and pour it over the almond butter to make a final layer of "chocolate." Put cupcake tin back in freezer for 15-30 minutes. Once frozen, remove from cupcake forms and let come to room temperature before enjoying.

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